
     ڿ     ڿڿ         ڿ               
   Ŀ    ڿĿ               
   Ŀ   ٳٳ                  NO  
      ٳ Ŀ  Ŀ                                
       ڿ ſ    ڿ                
        ſĿ          I Don't Need To!  
        

 VOL. WUN, ISSUE WUN                                   March 1995
 
don't need to what it doesn't matter no i don't need to no i don'

                   
Ŀ
***************************************************************
*                     MEMBERS AND CONTRIBUTORS:               *
*                                                             *
*                     Are you totally DeRaNgEd                *
*                Sweeten the ride-- BLACK SUNSHINE            *
*  My ANACODIA don't want none unless you've got buns hon     *
*              Quoth the RAVEN-- neverfreakingmore            *
* Hey fiddle diddle, put your [VIOLETTA KITTEN] in the middle *
*                                                             *
***************************************************************
;
                      *********************** 
                     RiBBeD for her pleasure
                      *********************** 
      ķ 
                            DISCLAIMER                      
                                                            
       Here's your warning.  Your sense of humor must be at 
       or beyond a certain level before you read this.  You 
       must not be offended easily.   You must want to have 
       fun.  You  must  have  an  open mind.  You  must  be 
       willing and  prepared  for us  to make fun  of  your 
       handle, and make up stupid rhymes about it.  This is 
       not going to be like anything else you've  ever seen 
       before-- and we like it that way. We distribute this 
       on the basis of the freedom of press and the freedom 
       of speech, blah blah blah.  Oh yeah, and those under 
       17 are not admitted without an adult.. SIKE!         
      Ľ
                         All material @ 1995
                    

 
                              Ingredients                        
                                                               
    i.  THE VOICE OF REASON                                   
        ...editorial comments/member bios                     
   ii.  HELLO I LOVE YOU                                      
        ...greetings  and  salutations /  news / rumors /      
        announcements                                         
  iii.  TRUTH OR DARE                                         
        ...we respond  to  your  questions  and  comments     
   iv.  WHAT DO YOU KNOW?                                     
        ...quiz yourself-this issue: what do you know  of     
        TDKEB?                                                
    v.  SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED                                
        ...top ten list-this issue: how to know if you're     
        a cool VDS user                                       
   vi.  WORD PLAY                                             
        ...we  desecrate  song  lyrics,  your names, your     
        handles and anything else we can think of              
  vii.  TRUTH                                                 
        ...part one of  the columns- this issue headed by      
        Violetta Kitten                                        
 viii.  DESIRE                                                
        ...part  two  of the columns-this issue headed by     
        DeRaNgEd                                               
   ix.  KARMA                                                 
        ...part three of the columns-this issue headed by     
        Black Sunshine                                         
    x.  EXPERIENCE                                            
        ...part four of the columns- this issue headed by     
        Anacodia                                              
   xi.  BRAWN                                                 
        ...part five of the columns- this issue headed by     
        Raven                                                 
  xii.  SWEET LITTLE SECRETS                                  
        ...take  our  poll.. we'll  publish  the  results      
 xiii.  THE RANDOMNESS OF THOUGHT                             
        ...poetry/moods/ramblings/creativity                  
  xiv.  AND THAT'S FINAL                                      
        ...month in review /coming attractions /good-byes      
                                                              
                                                               
                                                                

  
     "So, we'd both fuck Elvis.  It's nice to meet people with    
      common interests."                                          
                              --Clarence, TRUE ROMANCE         
  

                                                   
                        Editorial Comments                       
           (do it baby, do it baby, do it baby, do it)         
                                                               
    Here it is!!   It's what you've been waiting for (or have  
    you?). It's the only e-mag put out expressly by the TDKEB  
    (a few write for other pubs.)                              
        So what is the TDKEB???  Well it stands for T... er..  
    almost slipped there..You thought you could get it out of  
    me huh? Well, you may figure it out yourself by  the time  
    you get through this, but  I am sure that there are a few  
    who still wouldn't quite understand.                       
        I can  hear the  words before they slip  out of  your  
    mouth.."You're trying to play ball with the boys.."We are  
    not shooting  to be like TBH (we don't like talking about  
    computers all that much) but we did kind of get this idea  
    from them and  their newsletter. We aren't a literary mag  
    like SAZ, but you may find some of our poetry in it. What  
    we are trying to do here is show you, as the reader new a  
    different ways to look at the world  while providing many  
    different  settings  ranging from  happy to hilarious  to  
    depressive;  but  mostly  we  want  you  to  THINK!!!  We  
    encourage  you  to take  what ever ideas you can get from  
    this and use them to better yourself or the things around  
    you.                                                       
        When you get through looking at this, if  you've  got  
    any ideas or comments, feel free to send them to DeRaNgEd  
    or Black Sunshine on VDS or anywhere else we post. If you  
    have  something  you  think  might be beneficial  to this  
    publication please  send those  to us too.  While I can't  
    guarantee that we'll use it, we'll most certainly look at  
    it.                                                        
        Well I've said my  piece.  We thank you for  taking a 
    look at this.                                              
                               --DeRaNgEd                      
                                                               
                                                               
                                                               
    Wow.. um, okay what am I doing here?  I'm supposed to say  
    something important here,  right?   You're  demanding  an  
    explanation-- you want to know exactly what the hell kind  
    of file this is.   Well, for those of you who  downloaded  
    this hoping  to  hear  us say fuck a lot, call each other  
    ho's and basically just a lot talk about  sex,  you'll be  
    disappointed. Well, okay, maybe not.  But you're going to  
    have to let  us get a  little deep  on you  (wait--- that  
    sounded bad hahaha).                                       
       Is there anyone left who still DOESN'T know what TDKEB  
    stands for?  If so, I'm still not going to tell you.  But  
    the concept behind it is us-- five women who evolved into  
    this group  through  a  long  series  of  accidental  and  
    hysterically funny innuendos.  Think of it  this way  (uh  
    oh, analogy coming up). If I stick the tips of my fingers  
    into a  swimming pool,  from under the water,  my fingers  
    look like five separate entities.  If I plunge my hand in  
    further,  though,  you  would see that they're really all  
    just extensions of  the same object-- my hand.  Ah, maybe  
    I'm  just being  presumptuous.  I'm quite the pessimistic  
    optimist.  As if you didn't know THAT one by now...        
       Okay. In the same way that there are five of us, using  
    the letters in our "group" name, TDKEB,  we  have  deemed  
    each letter an  important aspect of life:  Truth, Desire,  
    Karma, Experience and Brawn.  Abstract concepts.  Yes, we  
    know.  Each member of TDKEB is going to take one of those  
    sections each issue, writing whatever the hell they want.  
    Confusing?   Okay,  maybe I shouldn't try to explain.  :)  
    Just check it out, and you will understand.   Hopefully.   
       Most of the other articles in here are geared towards   
    humor and creativity. Yes this whole thing does exist on   
    a level to stroke all of our egos, but  it's  more  than  
    that.  This will serve as our "voice."  We intend to hit   
    every emotion on the spectrum within one  issue  (and if  
    you call it PMS, we'll blacklist ya.. hahaha).   We want  
    to make you feel and think.   This  first issue may look  
    pretty bland until we become more, uh, experienced.  But   
    here we are. We're going to reach out to you and pretend   
    we know something about being alive.  Enjoy.               
                                                               
                               --Black Sunshine                
                                                               
       
                           MEMBER BIOS                         
    VIOLETTA KITTEN                                            
                                                
    Hi.  My name is Violetta Kitten.  What is your name?  Can   
    you say "Hello?" I knew you could. Anyway, who am I?  I'm   
    going out in search for myself now. If you find me before  
    I return, please hold me until I get back. Okay, back.. I   
    am 19 years old, give or  take a few  years, and I really  
    have no idea about what I am supposed to write. I guess I   
    could  make up  a  bunch of  coll [pronounced call, means  
    cool!] things about myself but there is no need for me to   
    hide,  because everyone  knows that I am  the  bomb.  Any   
    questions or comments may be sent through internet e-male   
    (oops, I mean e-mail..can't you tell I'm horny?) address.  
    Well.. tell me how to use  the internet and I'll tell you  
    my address.!!                                              
    Haha!                                                      
    Bye.                                                       
    Oh - P.S. Watch out for falling skittles!                  
    Bye.                                                       
    Oh - P.S.S. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!                
                                                               
                                                               
    DeRaNgEd                                                   
                                                       
    Who am I?  I  am  just  another  bitch  behind  a computer  
    screen and keyboard. I am DeRaNgEd!!  I moved here in June  
    and am currently  just  working  my  tail  off until I can  
    get to college.  I love to write and draw and am trying to  
    learn the finer art of ansi right now (kind of  hard  when  
    you  know  nothing  about  computers).  That's  all for me  
    folks.                                                     
                                                               
                                                               
    BLACK SUNSHINE                                             
                                                 
    I feel like I'm  filling out  a  registry.  I'm  extremely 
    atypical.  I  will  crush  all  your  stereotypes.  I like 
    everything.  Except  things  that  try  to  hinder me from 
    liking  everything (i.e. Republicans, religion, etc. heh). 
    I'm a junior (well almost) at OU  and I'm  going to  teach 
    high  school  English when I get out.  I don't really know 
    why yet. My quest in life is to have the perfect mind.  If 
    you  can  challenge  me mentally, I will love you forever. 
    (Okay  now  it  sounds  like I'm  filling out a matchmaker 
    registry.. haha).  I  only  surround myself with creative, 
    thinking, open-minded,  individualistic  people.  Life  is 
    good that way.  Well, sometimes.                           
                                                               
                                                               
    ANACODIA                                                   
                                                       
    I  like  Language,  Piercing,  Writing,   Driving,  People  
    Watching...   I  dislike  logging  on  to  VDS  and  being 
    paged  5,000  times  within  the  first  five  minutes  of 
    being  online  (and  you  know  who  you  are)  and crappy
    hard drives.                                               
                                                               
                                                               
    RAVEN                                                      
                                                          
       Other Handles: Gypsy  Black, Black  Angel, Dirty  Snow,  
                      Icy, Akasha, Malaria, Domino, Solitaire, 
                      & more                                   
                 Sex: Not with you                             
           Real name: I  wish  I  could  tell you but then I'd  
                      have to kill you.                        
                 Age: You mean real age or what I act?         
            Birthday: June  the  fifth.   Don't   forget   the 
                      presents.                                
    Favourite colour: Black, black and sometimes black         
      Favourite song: Anything that sounds  like a long haired  
                      man moaning.                             
      Favourite food: Worms                                    
             Hobbies: Killing stupid people.                   
          Occupation: Indian art, whatever people pay me to do  
                      (my that sounded bad)                    
         Description: Well, um... for lack  of  a  better word  
                      Threatening.                             
     Favourite drink: Cranberry juice                          
          Eye colour: black                                    
         Hair colour: black                                    
         Face colour: bla...hey.                               
           Shoe size: nine and a half                          
            Bra size: 36 c                                     
  Favourite Position: Is all this really necessary?            
         Best Friend: TDKEB!! THEY ARE THE BONG!!!             
Most Intimate secret: As if I'm going to tell a bunch of modem  
                      dorks.                                   
                                                                
 
  
     "Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five      
      minutes ago."
                                --Buffy, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
  

                                                                 
                           Hello I Love You                      
                   (won't you tell me your name?)              
                                                               
                       WE WANT TO SAY HIGH TO:                 
             (and these are in no order of importance)         
                                                               
       False God:  Polished your rune yet? :)                  
            GITM:  Repeat after me:   "I'M NOT STONED...  I AM  
                   NOT STONED...NO REALLY, I'M NOT..."         
           Mirth:  We deem thee the great, quick sword master. 
      Blackcloud:  chat stick boy      hahahhaha               
      Fruit-Loop:  You  do not stay crunchy in milk--you lied.  
            Ozzy:  You  guys find  a  sperm  bank  in OKC yet?  
         Yaun-Ti:  Three-second wonder???  Really???            
          Fugazi:  Is your bed-time like 8 o' clock, or what??  
       Eagle and                                               
         Girasol:  We  love you, but you guys make us sick. :) 
  Prince Kheldar:  That  was  the most intellectually perverse  
                   three-some we ever had... hahhaha           
          Mark X:  Yes I am the kind of person you didn't want  
                   me to talk to.                              
    The Stranger:  See-- now we don't have to use your message 
                   bases to publicly humiliate ourselves! :)   
       Jimbo and                                               
         Pebbles:  BARF!!!!!!!!! :)                            
        Kangaroo:  Right now,  you're the only BJ we know (and  
                   Black Sunshine  is  thanking  the  god that  
                   she doesn't know if she believes in).       
                                                               
                                                               
             P0i:  F U H      Hahahahaha                       
             SAZ:  You guys are beautiful.                     
      And to TBH:  We are the NOT the TBH ho's! :)             
                                                               
                                                               
                            
                        What's up in March...                  
                                                               
    *** Look  for  the  next   TDKEB   party-- same  location,  
        probably  same  day  of  the  week.  Once again, it'll 
        be invitation only.  Check your email...               
                                                               
    *** Rumor has it that the next notorious Gathering,  which 
        was  scheduled  for  near  the  end  of this month and  
        had allianced  TBH  and  P0i, was   CANCELLED  due  to  
        other obligations of the party's  host.   Would   have  
        been a helluva night, I'm sure...   It  has  been said  
        someone else may take over.   If  that  ever  happens,  
        we'll be there... and if  you  don't  get invited, you  
        will   be   able   to   live  vicariously  through our  
        write-ups of it...                                     
                                                               
    *** Three  out  of  the  five  TDKEB  members  have  sadly 
        said  a  tearful  farewell  to alcohol  binges after a  
        truly  horrendous bout with it the last Saturday night 
        in February.   Details will not be divulged, but we'll 
        see how long the vows of Black Sunshine,  Deranged and 
        Raven can last... [From Raven:  oops...]               
                                                               
    *** "Hi..  we're TDKEB,  and we're here to pump [clap] you 
         up..."  What's with the fitness kick all of a sudden? 
                                                               
    *** SPRING BREAK  is so fabulous, we thought it deserved a  
        special  section in its honor.... for Violetta Kitten,  
        Black Sunshine and Raven,  this  means  a  break  from  
        college life for a week... TDKEB may have to celebrate  
        (again)...                                             
                                                               
    *** Coming  soon  to  a modem near you... TDKEB's own BBS. 
        Yes, yes, yes we know what we're doing.. um, I think.. 
        um.. yes it's under control,  and  yes, yes yes.. it's  
        not  going  to be all, um, well, typical.  TO CLEAR UP  
        ALL RUMORS, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A PORN BBS!   It's  
        all very secret right now, but it will be like nothing  
        you've  ever  seen  before.  Think  you've got what it  
        takes to get access? ;) ... If  you  have  suggestions  
        for a name, we'd love to hear them...                  
                                                               
    *** Thank  God  the  fucking Saturday  night bowling alley  
        idea pretty much died out...                            
                                                                  
                                                                 

  
     "Not that I'm a lesbian.  I told my mother I was just       
      for shock value.  She said fine, just as long as you
      don't smoke."
                                --Sylvie, POISON IVY
  

  
                            Truth or Dare                        
               (i had a dream about you last night)            
                                                               
    Got a question?  Want to know something about us?  Send it 
    to one of us and we'll answer it. Or try to. Got a comment 
    you want to share?   Send that  our way too.   We love it. 
    No, we LOVE it.  Go on, ask  us  anything:  in  person, in  
    chat, in email, over the phone... doesn't matter...        
                                                               
                 _________________________________             
                 To All:  "Would any of you lovely             
                 ladies like to go out on a date?"             
                                      --Fruit-Loop             
                                                               
   --No, but thanks so much for asking. Drive thru.. -VIOLETTA  
     KITTEN                                                    
   --No, but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it.. 8) -DeRaNgEd 
   --Whoa... I  just  had  really  intense  deja vu...  -BLACK  
     SUNSHINE                                                  
   --If you take me somewhere really expensive and pay through  
     your butt.  -anonymous                                    
                                                               
                 _________________________________             
                 To All: "Why do some refer to you             
                 as the TBH ho's?"                             
                                       --False God             
                                                               
   --They what?!?!?!?!???  You just ruined my day :(  Off with  
     your heads. -VK                                           
   --We are the main bitches at the TBH gatherings I think? -D  
   --It's  a frantic attempt to save their dying egos.. ;) -BS 
   --Because  they  haven't gotten the shit beaten out of them  
     yet. -R                                                   
                                                               
                 ________________________________              
                 To  Deranged and Black Sunshine:              
                 "Are you two dating?"                         
                                 --Prince Kheldar              
                                                               
   --Yeah, and I might get wet if I jumped into the ocean. -VK 
   --You'll have to ask her.. she makes all the decisions.. -D 
   --No, Violetta Kitten would get jealous. -BS                
   --I hope so, then I won't have to worry about Violetta       
     leaving me for Deranged anymore. -R                       
                                                               
                 ________________________________              
                 To all: "Why don't you just call               
                 it  TDKEBLMNOP?  You keep adding              
                 letters..."                                   
                                   --The Stranger              
                                                               
   --Yeah,  you  guys are sure catching on.  We can't pull the  
     wool over your eyes. -VK                                  
   --We  only  added  two  letters, but  that was because they  
     were present  at  the  first  original  meeting  but they  
     are still family so 8P -D                                 
   --HEY!!! If we changed it to TDKEBLMNOP,  um, it would look  
     like  that  one thing.. um.. um.. you know, the alphabet. 
     That could be confusing to some... -BS                    
   --We  add  no  letters, smart guy.  Anything  else  is just  
     an imposter. (LITTLE FREAKING WANNABES!) -R               
                                                               
                 ________________________________              
                 To Black Sunshine:  "Are you bi?              
                 Because I  was just wondering if              
                 you  and  [Violetta Kitten]  are              
                 really serious."                              
                                    --The Warlord              
                                                               
   --For the right price. Everyone has a price don't they? -VK 
   --Where do you get these whacked out ideas..  sheesh.. tell 
     someone  of  the  same sex you love them and people think  
     you're gay or something.. hahaha -D                       
   --No.. she's  just  a homosexual trapped in a woman's body.  
     And besides, the bitch left me for  Deranged,  then  left  
     Deranged for Raven and then decided she was straight. Can  
     you say, 'easily amused?' -BS                             
   --No, we aren't going anywhere. -Anacodia                   
   --No, she  isn't  bi, she  just  has animalistic tendencies  
     towards cute baby animals. -R                             
                                                               
                                                               
                 ________________________________              
                 "TDKEB  is the female version of              
                 leetness... nice to know we have              
                 diggable chicks on the scene."                
                                  --TBH issue NiN              
                                                               
   --Yes,  we are all very  nice girls.  I was just telling Ana 
     the  other  day  that  we  need to start reading our Bible 
     scriptures  two times a day instead of one, because I feel 
     like  my "leetness"  is  slip slip sliding away,  gosh  oh 
     golly I love animal cookies. -VK                          
   --Diggable chicks? Is that anything like Diggable Planets?-D
   --*blush* Right  back  at  ya, babes. But  we still won't be 
     your ho's... -BS                                          
   --Isn't  it  nice  to  know we are recognized by the biggest 
     leets of them all?? -A                                    
   --Oh,  I'm  just  so  proud  of  this  honour.  I think I'll 
     celebrate with a big hammer and hit myself in the head. -R
                                                               
                 ________________________________              
                 To Black Sunshine: "You've dated              
                 everyone in the Brotherhood."                 
                                   --The Stranger              
                                                               
   --I  would  like  to  see  your list. Maybe we can compare.  
     She  has  denied  my  attempts  to  date  her,  have  you  
     experienced the same? Funny.. someone here spells bitter,  
     won't say any names but it starts with The Stranger!  -VK 
   --And  a  few  in the sisterhood as well if you believe the  
     rumor mill -D                                             
   --Yeah.. and I'm working up to SAZ next, so get ready.. -BS 
   --Yes, and  she  is  still throwing up and having seizures.  
     I'm  sure  in  a  few years she'll be fine.  But then the  
     flashbacks  will  start  and we will have to get her some  
     therapy. -R                                               
                                                               
                 ________________________________              
                 To all: "hehehe..... it's TDKEBJ              
                 now."                                         
                                         --Wolvie              
                                                               
    --I don't McThink so.  Would you like fries with that? -VK 
    --Give it up, get a life. -D                               
    --No,  I don't think we need a  J.  People  should already 
      be able to tell that we like JACKING OFF. -BS            
     --Yes, you keep dreaming now. -R                             
                                                                 

  
       "If you want to fuck with eagles, you have to learn to     
        fly."
                                --Veronica, HEATHERS
  

                         
                          What Do You Know?                      
            (running through acid-white inconsistency)         
                                                               
    Just what DO you know about TDKEB?  Test yourself and find 
    out.                                                       
                                                               
          How many members are there in TDKEB?                 
              -5                                               
              -6                                               
              -3                                               
              -It keeps growing, so who knows?                 
              -Heh.. you said member..                         
                                                               
   Ŀ 
   Answer:  We (FIVE) already told you (FIVE) several times  
   (FIVE) in this issue (FIVE) alone.  But  if  you  picked  
   "heh.. you said member.. "  you  can  have the point for  
   pervertedness.                                            
    
                                                               
                                                               
          What does TDKEB stand for?                           
              -The Demon Killing Evil Bitches                  
              -They Don't Kiss Every Boy                       
              -It has something to do with initials            
              -I can't tell, I'm under a secret oath           
              -I don't know what it stands for, but I'm going  
               to pick the third answer so it looks like I do  
                                                               
   Ŀ 
   Answer:    There are a lot of right answers to this one.  
   Yes, it has something to do  with initials,  and  if you  
   know, you ARE under a  secret oath, so  either  of those  
   answers are okay.  If you picked  "They Don't Kiss Every  
   Boy," you can have half a point, because we don't.  "The  
   Demon Killer Evil Bitches"  is  way off  however.  We've  
   never actually killed anyone.                             
    
                                                               
                                                               
          If you see TDKEB-L, what does the L mean?            
              -Lame                                            
              -Luscious                                        
              -Licking                                         
              -It stands for another member, added later and   
               sometimes included                              
              -It doesn't mean anything, you fucking idiots!   
                                                               
   Ŀ  
   Answer:  What does the L stand for?  Well, we are Lame,   
   Luscious and like Licking (alliteration rules!!! :) but   
   it does represent another member sometimes.  Of course,   
   some  would  argue  that it doesn't  mean  anything you   
   fucking idiots!  Depends on who you talk to...            
     
                                                               
                                                               
         Fill in the blank with the correct word:              
         "You get me closer to _____"                          
              -God                                             
              -Todd                                            
              -a euphoric-like, drug-induced state of being    
              -orgasm                                          
              -Aren't all these answers synonymous?            
                                                               
   Ŀ  
   Answer:  Hmm.. God, Todd, orgasm,  and a euphoric state   
   of being ARE somewhat synonymous but the correct answer   
   is Todd.  If you've never heard us say this before then   
   where the hell have you been???                           
     
                                                               
                                                               
         What are the requirements for being a TDKEB bitch?    
              -You have to be dating one of the TDKEB women.   
              -You have to ask to be one.                      
              -You have to be nice to us.                      
              -You have to fill out an application and wait in 
               line.                                           
              -You have to give good head.                     
              -You have to give us all credits on VDS.         
              -Either the first one, or all the rest combined  
               will make you a TDKEB bitch.                    
                                                               
   Ŀ  
   Answer:  The answer is obviously the last one: you have   
   to either be dating one of the TDKEB women,  or all the   
   rest combined. We are kidding about the application and   
   the VDS credits.  Oh yeah and the good head part, too..   
   I think.                                                  
     
                                                               
                                                               
         If one of the members of TDKEB says, "Head NOW!" what 
         should you say?                                       
              -"Bed NOW!"                                      
              -"No thanks, I have one."                        
              -"Yes, thank you mistress."                      
              -"Again???"                                      
              -I'm not going to SAY anything!  I'm going to    
               shut up and get to work!                        
                                                               
   Ŀ  
   Answer:  Easy one.  It would behoove you not to  say  a   
   damn word and get busy... :)                              
                                                             
     
                                                               
                                                               
         Just what is the deal with the skittles?              
              -They are tiny little candies that have about 250
               calories per package.                           
              -They're nutritious and delicious.               
              -I can't say; it's very perverted.               
              -They're bursting with fruit flavor.             
              -What IS the deal with the skittles??            
                                                               
   Ŀ 
   Answer:  Yes, it's very perverted but why did that stop   
   you? :)                                                   
                                                             
    
                                                               
         What has been the most useful piece of "literature"   
         for the TDKEB members?                                
              -TBH newsletters                                 
              -SAZ packs                                       
              -"How to make him think you swallowed when you   
               really didn't."                                 
              -The recording instructions on the wrapper of a  
               TDK cassette tape.                              
              -False God's NIN Farwest Trivia questions        
                                                               
   Ŀ 
   Answer:  TBH newsletters and SAZ packs  certainly  have   
   been useful (you guys rule); "How to Make Him Think You   
   Swallowed  When  You  Really  Didn't"  and  False God's   
   trivia questions  have  provided us with hours of cheap   
   entertainment, but the answer would have to be the  TDK   
   wrapper, because without it, there  would  probably not   
   be a TDKEB.                                               
    
                                                               
                                                               
         BONUS QUESTION:  If you get this, you get to be our   
         fruit of the month club bitch-- bananas anyone? :)    
         Generally speaking, what is each member's favorite    
         band/performer?                                       
              -Depeche  Mode, Tori  Amos, Pantera, Sugar Cubes,
               L.A. Guns                                       
                                                               
              -Madonna, White Zombie, The artist formerly known
               as the artist formerly known as Prince, House of
               Pain, Ministry                                  
                                                               
              -Bananarama,  REO  Speedwagon, Bobby  Brown,  The
               Cars, Wham, Chaka Khan, Kool & the Gang, Blondie
               The Pointer  Sisters, Kylie  Minogue, Daryl Hall
               and John Oates, Loverboy, Ray  Parker, Jr.,  The
               Bangles, The Escape Club, INXS, Belinda Carlisle
               (or anything else 80's retro)                   
                                                               
              -Henry  Rollins Band, 4  Non-Blondes,  Nine  Inch
               Nails, Ace of Base, Sex Pistols                 
                                                               
              -We all want to do Trent Reznor                  
                                                               
   Ŀ  
   Answer:  Definitely the first one but if you picked the   
   one that says we all want to  do Trent  Reznor, you can   
   still have the extra point. :)                            
     
                                                               
                                                                 

  
     "What if the super-you meets the super-her and the 
      super-her rejects the super-you?"
                                --Steve, SINGLES
  

                                                               
                       Some Assembly Required                     
                 (why does everything keep moving)               

                                                               
                  THE TDKEB MONTHLY TOP-TEN LIST               
                                  
             You know you're a cool user on VDS when...         
                                                               
                                                               
    10     You can find someone else's  chatter channel  while  
           they are engrossed in XXX hot chat.                 
                                                               
     9     You  try  to  say  'traffic lites'  in  open  tele- 
           conference and the language filter  censors you for  
           saying 'clit.'                                      
                                                               
     8     Women  only:  You can  get Audioman to believe that  
           you are actually touching yourself while he vividly  
           describes how HE is touching himself.               
                                                               
     7     Men  only:  You  can get  Mina to  believe  you are  
           actually touching yourself.                         
                                                               
     6     You  are  so  popular that when you log on, you are  
           bombarded with pages that take you so long to reply  
           to, that  someone  finally  pages and asks "Why are  
           you sitting in the menuing system?"                 
                                                               
     5     You've  finally realized that the Roman Numeral for  
           ten is NOT X when you are in teleconference.        
                                                               
     4     You send the  adult  action .feedcock to "all" (and  
           get your adult access revoked).                     
                                                               
     3     People  bitch  at you  for  scrolling  the  chat in  
           teleconference  because  you  typed the ROFL action  
           (rolling  on  the  floor  laughing) six consecutive  
           times.                                              
                                                               
     2     You log on and you're immediately paged four times  
           in a row by Pyroman with: SUP.                      
                                                               
     And finally...                                            
                                                               
     1     You use someone else's phone to make eight hundred   
           calls to the 900 number credit service...and DON'T   
           get busted.                                         
                                                                 
                                                                 

  
     "I'm not saying it doesn't mean anything, but why does it
      have to mean everything?"
                                --Harry, WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
  

  
                             Word Play                           
              (you fake the things you do not know)            
                                                               
   ͻ   
   WE MUST THANK LOVELY VIOLETTA FOR THE INSPIRATION AND     
   MOST OF THE RHYMES IN THIS SECTION... And oh.. by the     
   way..  have you read  the disclaimer at the beginning     
   yet? :)                                                   
   ͼ   
                                                               
    First, just to be fair, let us ridicule our own names:     
    These are our trademark phrases...                         
                                                               
    "Hi, my name is Vile, and I haven't had sex in awhile."    
    "Hi, my name is D, and my weiner itches you see..."        
    "Hi, my name is Chastain and my hand makes me abstain."    
    "Hi, my name is Erika and I screw every guy in Amerika."   
     [credit for this one goes to Kangaroo]                    
    "Hi, my name is Brit and I like to touch my clit."         
                                                               
                                       
    And now yours... if you don't know people's real names, you 
    may have a problem  knowing  whose rhyme is whose... but it 
    should  be  obvious  who  most of the people we are talking 
    about here are...                                          
                                                               
    HI, my name is Chewbacca, and last night I fucked my papa. 
    HI, my name is Special Gay, won't you eat my curds and      
      whey?                                                    
    HI, my name is Prong, and I can't admit when I am wrong.   
    HI, my name is Scott, and I've never had a thought.        
    HI, my name is Joe, now can I have my blow?                
    HI, my name is Todd, and I like to stroke my rod.          
    HI, my name is Thomas, and I'll still respect you, I        
      promise.                                                 
    HI, my name is Barry, and all my friends think I'm a fairy. 
    HI, my name is Brent, and I like to pitch a tent, and       
      worship a man named Trent.                               
    HI, my name is Brian, and I'm a god now, I ain't lyin'.    
    HI, my name is Pete, and I like to beat my meat.           
    HI, my name is Greg, and I can't stop rubbing my middle    
      leg.                                                     
                                                               
   ...AND IN 1995, OUR GOAL IS TO OUTSHINE WEIRD AL-YANKOVIC...
                    ___________________________                
                                                               
                          KINDA I WANT YOU                     
                 (put to the lyrics and music of               
              "Kinda I Want To" by Nine Inch Nails)            
                                                               
    I can't shake this loser from my bed,                      
    He promised me that he would give me head,                 
    Someone told me that he might be gay,                      
    I cannot make his hard-on go away.                         
    I know it's not the tight thing,                           
    I know it's not the good schwing                           
    But kinda I want you.                                      
    I'm not sure of who I should do                            
    When every dong I'm thinking of is blue,                   
    All of my old lovers went to guys                          
    Maybe Todd will go down on my thighs.                      
    I know it's not a slight thing,                            
    I know it's not the good fling                             
    But kinda I want you.                                      
    Maybe just for tonight                                     
    We can pretend you're upright,                             
    Where's the ice, I say                                     
    I don't care if he's gay                                   
    I want you.                                                
                                                               
                                                                
                            SPURT                               
                (put to the lyrics and music of                
                   "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails)                  
                                                               
    I insert myself today                                      
    To see if you still squeal                                 
    I hope I can sustain,                                      
    Or else, I'll have to kneel.                               
    The need will fill my pole                                 
    The old familar schwing                                    
    Try to fill you all the way                                
    But my member's shuddering.                                
    Why'd I have to come?                                      
    Now sex will end                                           
    Every time I slow                                          
    Though midway I lose my friend.                            
    You could have it all                                      
    My entire squirt                                           
    I will not go down                                         
    I will re-insert.                                          
    You go down then you spit,                                 
    Pull on your underwear                                     
    The movement gets me hot                                   
    I cannot prepare                                           
    Beneath this stain of mine                                 
    The hard-on disappears                                     
    You went somewhere else                                    
    I left a souvenier                                         
    Why'd I have to come?                                      
    My neatest friend                                          
    Everyone I show                                            
    Wants to play in the end                                   
    You could have it all                                      
    Just lift up your skirt                                    
    I won't let you down                                       
    I will make you spurt                                      
    If I could start again                                     
    Go at it right away                                        
    I could keep my swell                                      
    I could find a lay.                                        
                                                                 
                                                                 

  
     "Are we just going through the motions so certain people    
      can cover themselves?"                                     
                                --a newscaster, SHORTCUTS        
  

                                                                 
                              TRUTH                              
    Ŀ     
    Indisputable Fact Corresponding To Real Events;   The     
    Absence of Fallacy or Falsehood; Sincerity or Honesty     
          
                       By Violetta Kitten                       
                                                               
    Tell  me the truth:  did you really mean to hurt me?   You 
    told some lies that I wasn't aware of. What did it matter? 
    It was only hurting me.   I am a person,  yes, but you are 
    not.                                                       
        In the  beginning, the  seed  for a  better  life  was 
    planted.  And then came the excitement, then came the joy. 
    The sky was nothing but a pink haze of bliss, a nice round 
    cloud of pleasure.In the beginning you told me some things 
    that I knew weren't true but I believed you anyway.  I was 
    a false existence, and you were my saviour.  I always knew 
    deep in my heart that you were evil, but your icing was so 
    sweet,  your candy so fine.   I couldn't help  but think I 
    would actually get to taste your poison, feel your thorns, 
    and smell your pain.  This I have done, but never again.   
        Time went by and I forgot all about you. They say time 
    heals all wounds, but they don't live my life,  they don't 
    feel my pain, and they don't fight my war.  You bounced in 
    and  out  of my life  as my building  blocks of  confusion 
    piled one  on  top of  the  other,  only to  be  destroyed 
    by the bulldozer of hate.   How  could I  be  so  ignorant 
    to  your  demons?   I  could  see  them  creeping  into my 
    head..  Why didn't I stop them?   You could see me falling 
    apart..  Why  didn't you care? The world around us laughed 
    in our faces.. Why didn't we notice? It started with love, 
    so pure and sweet..  It turned  into obsession, destroying 
    our souls.  I  craved the  unattainable, and you, you just 
    fed on pain. You crawled into  my head and took everything 
    away.  I  let  you take  over  my  life, and  now I regret 
    everything.                                                
        There is no way  to discover  the ending.  There is no 
    way to make all of this hatred go away.  The truth was the 
    heaven and the truth was the hell..                        
        But I will  not let your ignorance or disturbance ruin 
    my life.  The obsession has not left me but I am not going 
    to cry.   Is there  ever an end  to it all?   The feelings 
    still linger and the hatred still grows, but the noise has 
    gotten quieter.  I  have chosen the more reasonable path - 
    the path which does not lead to you.                       
        Funny  how it  all  works  out..  I can  feel the pain 
    getting stronger,  but it is not my pain.  The tables have 
    been turned to show you the  reality..  NOW,  tell  me the 
    truth:  are you ready to die?                              
                                                               
                                                                 
                                                                 

  
     "And the answer is:  I don't know..."
                                --Lelaine, REALITY BITES
  

                                                                 
                              DESIRE                             
   Ŀ     
   The State Of Wishing, Longing or Yearning; The Object     
   Of A Lust;  Sexual Appetite Or Passion; An Aspiration     
        
                           By Deranged                         
                                                               
    To hold the hands  which do no feel.  It makes  it so damn 
    difficult sometimes. The trembling within you can not feel 
    or the lust for  you I have  felt since the  first time my 
    hand touched you.  You will never know how much I want our 
    hearts to grow as one.  How can I tell someone who can not 
    feel?                                                      
        I just want to be happy.  I don't  want to have to cry 
    myself  to sleep  every night,  or wake up screaming every 
    hour upon the hour.   Why can't  the past just be the past 
    and let the future be happy?                               
        I  want  to  beat  this disease  which  forces  me  to 
    intoxicate myself.   I  know it will kill me as slowly and 
    as painfully as the rest,  but it  will tear  everything I 
    ever cared about  away from  me in the process, leaving me 
    with nothing but  the urge to  feed  this  addiction  even 
    more.                                                      
        Why can't I purge myself of these needs??              
        I  want  the flowers to bloom year round in my twisted 
    garden so that I may look upon them when ever I need their 
    comfort, so  I may smell  their soft, sweet, fragrance and 
    know that there is no greater need, than need itself.  How 
    can I close this misshaped greenhouse door?                
        I want the pain to end.  I  want  to wake up and watch 
    the sun rise with  you here by my side;  your arms wrapped 
    around  me  in a  loving caress, your lips whispering soft 
    loving  words  straight  into  my  heart,  and  your  mind 
    intertwined with mine. But with you gone how can I capture 
    that one last desire?                                      
                                                                 
                                                                 
 
  
     "So that's the bottom line:  to hold you, I have to let you  
      go."
                                --Mabel, THE PIRATE MOVIE
  

 
                               KARMA                             
   Ŀ     
   Determination of a Future or Destiny  Established  By     
   Behavior In The Present;  Aura  Or Atmosphere of Fate     
        
                         By Black Sunshine                     
                                                               
    To Other Dreadful Days                                     
                                                               
    I had a fantasy, a dream that everything was  good  again. 
    Hurts  too  much  to  think  about.   And  so I get angry. 
    Sometimes I feel like  I'm the  only  one who notices that 
    there are things to get angry about. I am tried of feeling 
    like I have no control.   Yet, I would give anything to be 
    able to hand my responsibilities over to someone else.   I 
    want to be the wind.   The pressures  of owning  something 
    kind of rip you in two like that.   I've forgotten what it 
    was like to own something.  Except misery.                 
                                                               
    why do people  think  of winter as a time of death the air 
    seems so alive while  i'm drawing in breath it's the death 
    of a summer that  was dead long before the death of a love 
    that's not there anymore                                   
                                                               
    Am I in control of my own destiny?   Does even asking that 
    change my future? I get lost sometimes in wet brown earth; 
    in  trampled  weeds and words; in the springtime  ripeness 
    of carnal visions.   If I  knew what my fate was,  I could 
    hurry it along. Who the hell cares if that would alter it? 
    At least I would be doing something... anything.   I would 
    be doing something real again.                             
                                                               
    seasons change  gradually  with  inevitability you know it 
    will happen but sometimes don't see  the differences until 
    they are complete  the same  ones you've seen  they always 
    repeat                                                     
                                                               
    When you first meet someone that you want, you go  through 
    the same little series of questions:  "is this the person  
    who will  make  me happy?   Is this  the person  that will 
    change things?   Is this the person  that will restore  my 
    faith in  goodness?   Is this the person that will make me 
    what I want  to be?"   It's funny how  everyone is  pretty 
    much searching  for the same thing, just under a different 
    disguise.  We're all so fucking fake.                      
                                                               
    glad for  the winter the frost and the  cold frozen things 
    are the  ones that are  hardest to hold with everything so 
    gray i'm  much  harder to see yet the winter  breathes its 
    bitter life into me                                        
                                                               
    If I could change the world, I would.   How, I don't know. 
    I'd change  it for the  sake of change.   The  prehistoric 
    way it operates now has made me bored.   Complaining about 
    it has even become tedious.   You tell me I've changed the 
    world already.  How many people's lives would be different 
    had I never been born?   But it always comes down to that. 
    I've seen "It's a Wonderful Life." And just what's so damn 
    wonderful about it?  Another angel just got its wings.   I 
    wish I could be somebody's angel.                          
                                                               
    can't  wait  for  the summer  can't  wait  for  the spring 
    something told  me  i'd one day be  wearing your ring  the 
    cold metal on my finger  chills flesh to the  bone but now 
    winter is dying and i am alone                             
                                                               
    I am the center.  Everything I do in my entire life starts 
    right here at this moment.   When you pray who do you pray 
    to?   I pray to tomorrow. Can I hold a perfect dream in my 
    hands?  Yes. Until it grows, then it gets too big to carry 
    and I have to set  it down.   It always  gets away from me 
    then.  Oh well, it was heaven for a little while, I guess. 
    Maybe  if I behave  today, I'll  find it again.   Tomorrow 
    bleeds into yesterday.  There is always a maybe.    Why do 
    people meet?                                               
                                                               
    i feel myself melting  i feel  myself wanting i  just want 
    something                                                  
                                                                 


  
     "The staff was unprepared.  They didn't know what he was."  
                                --Dr. Loomis, HALLOWEEN II
  

  
                             EXPERIENCE                          
   Ŀ     
   Active  Participation In  Some  Event Leading To  The     
   Acquisition Of  Skill Or Knowledge Through The Senses     
   Or Mind; Living Or Encountering; A  Loss of Innocence     
        
                            By Anacodia                        
                                                               
    Oscar  Wilde once said,  'Experience is simply a  name  we 
    give our mistakes.'   Cool.  So next time I mess up, I can  
    say, 'I'm sorry...I just had an experience....'Haha ha ah.  
    Anyway, I  guess  being  twenty-one  gives  me  plenty  of  
    experiences...  I  spent  a  year  in  college... that was  
    definitely  an  experience... not   to  mention  my  whole  
    childhood....there is a BBBIIIGGG experience.              
         In  my   estimation, you   are  conditioned  by  your  
    experiences. You become who you are by your experiences. I  
    remember  back  when  I  was in Mrs. Stubblefield's fourth  
    grade class... we  had  gotten  back from lunch before she  
    had, and  my  class  decided to hide from her.  We decided  
    that  when  she  came into the room, we would jump out and  
    yell,  'BOO!'  at her and scare her.  I casually mentioned  
    something  about her having a heart attack (this woman had  
    to be pushing sixty  years old... I  remember  her telling  
    us  that  after  she microwaved something in her microwave  
    oven  she  would count to 16 to make sure there wasn't any  
    lingering radiation... something  about  a  pacemaker) and  
    this  boy I'll just call Neil took my comment to heart and  
    wouldn't  participate in the big 'BOO!'. I guess some past  
    experience  of his  was stronger than that horrendous peer  
    pressure of the fourth grade.                              
         Then  again, I  have  had  a multitude if experiences  
    that aren't  mistakes  at  all.  In  September,  I had the  
    opportunity to return to New York for a long weekend for a  
    family wedding... most of my  extended family lives in New  
    York.   I  have  been there many times, but only to see my  
    mom's family.  This  time,  I  went  exclusively to see my  
    dad's family.   That is an experience I will never forget.  
    I met family I haven't seen in 10 years.  I can't tell you  
    how  many  times I was introduced to some stranger only to  
    have them say, 'Oh my goodness last time I was down on the  
    Jersey shore,  I remember pushing you in your stroller...' 
    I do not ever remember being down on the Jersey Shore, but  
    only  because I was too young.  Being able to be with that  
    part of my family is something I will never forget.        
         I guess the feeble point I am trying to  make is, the  
    experiences you encounter over the years of your life make  
    you  the   person  you  are  right  now.  The  things  you  
    experienced  as  a  baby, that  you may not even remember,  
    affect who you are today.  The experiences you encountered 
    five  minutes  ago  may affect who you are for the rest of  
    your life.  Even  though some of your experiences may seem  
    like  mistakes  to  you  now,  you  will  learn  from your  
    experiences.  I,  personally,  wish  there  was some way I  
    could  experience everything. Everything. That is a lot of  
    things... But I plan on doing as many of these things as I  
    can in my lifetime.                                        
        Thanks for listening to my babble.  There  is  more to  
    come.                                                      
                                                                 
                                                                 

  
     "I thought someone in this house ought to be having sex.
      With something that doesn't require batteries."  
                                --Julie, PARENTHOOD
 


                              BRAWN                              
   Ŀ     
   Well-developed Muscles; Strength;  A Quality Of Being     
   Able Due To Potency or Durability; Resiliance;  Power     
        
                            By Raven                           
                                                               
    Sometimes we need a little brawn to get us through things. 
    We  don't  have  the  strength  to  get  through  mentally 
    challenging times unless we use a little physical strength 
    to counter  balance it.  Everyone looks at us as if we are 
    crazy if we don't have enough brawn.  I prefer brains, but 
    that's not without saying that you can have both.  Look at 
    yourself  very  closely.   What do you see?   Is  that the 
    person that you think you look like in your head? Probably 
    not.   If it is,  look closer.   We all have a  self image 
    problem to some degree.  We can use that to our advantage. 
    If we are being kicked around and used then we can picture 
    in our  minds a  strong-willed energetic being filled with 
    the brawn  necessary to  tear down the  evil force that is 
    harming us.   Even if  we aren't physically strong, in our 
    minds  we  can  contribute  to  our bodies by believing in 
    ourselves.   A  little  bit  of  belief can go a long way. 
    Everyone can  live by diet and exercise.  Everyone has the 
    capability of  reading and writing to develop their mental 
    skills.   But  only  the  truly gifted have the ability to 
    transform  ourselves  into  something  that it was thought 
    impossible to be.                                          
                                                               
    Themistocles is a very good example. He was a tiny man who 
    had a huge self image.  He had the mental  brawn to  guide 
    all of athens to victory  and empire.  He persuaded people 
    in ways that is  unparalleled to this day.  He made people 
    believe his ideals were right. And in his belief that they 
    were right,  it made  it  so.  To this very day, Athens is 
    still well known for it's powerful empire.                 
                                                               
    Alexander the Great is another example of notorious mental 
    brawn.  But  he  also  had physical brawn.  He changed the 
    entire world with his ideas. To this day the impact of his 
    crusades  and  conquests  are  still  felt  throughout the 
    world.  If he  had not died at  the age of thirty-three he 
    would  have indeed conquered the world.  And still, in the 
    streets  of Egypt people talk of 'Scander coming back.  He 
    promised them he would.  If  he believed in that enough, I 
    have no doubt that he will.                                
                                                               
    Don't give up on yourself.  You are not that person in the 
    mirror. Your brawn only comes from inside. If you want the 
    brawn on the outside, make it happen inside first. It will 
    come out.   Make them believe in you first.  Make them see 
    who you are  and what you are  capable of.  You have it in 
    you.                                                       
                                                                 
 

  
     "Have you ever looked at a dollar bill? It's some spooky     
       shit.  And it's green, too."
                                --Slater, DAZED AND CONFUSED  
  


                          Sweet Little Secrets                   
                  (don't tell me it's all in my head)            
                                                                 
          Okay, we  want to  give all of  you  a  chance to       
          be funny, bitter and profound  and all that  neat      
          stuff  that  we  have  been  shooting for in this       
          thing.  So  each  of  us  have a question we want      
          to  ask  and  you can answer one or two or all of      
          them  in  a  text file and email it to any of the      
          five of us.  It will get to the right place.  The      
          best  answers  will  be put on display next issue      
          for all to read and marvel over.                       
                                                                 
                         TRUTH/VIOLETTA KITTEN                   
                                            
          Throughout my life, various  people  have told me      
          that  honesty  is  the  best  policy.   But is it       
          really?  Do you consider this proverb to be a fact     
          or a myth?  Why?                                       

                                                                 
                            DESIRE/DERANGED                      
                                                  
          Trent  says,  "I just want something  I can never       
          have..."   What is the one thing you feel you can      
          never have?                                            
                                                                 
                                                                 
                         KARMA/BLACK SUNSHINE                    
                                             
          If  you  could know for sure one thing about your      
          future, what would you want to know?                   

                                                                 
                          EXPERIENCE/ANACODIA                    
                                              
          How about an experience that makes you laugh.          
                                                                 

                             BRAWN/RAVEN                         
                                                      
          Which one is more important: to have a brain that 
          is  brawn  or to have a body that is brawn?  Why?     
 
  
 
  
     "We just cut our girlfriend up with a chainsaw.  Does it
      sound like we're okay to you?"
                                --Ash, EVIL DEAD II
  
 
                                                                 
                         Randomness of Thought                   
                   (you made me forget the pain...)            
                                                               
                                                               
    I Felt the Earth Tremble.                                  
                                                               
    No sign of heaven, anywhere in sight.                      
    What would you do if I shot you right now?                 
    What would you say if I told you I loved you?              
    I love you!                                                
    Last night,                                                
    I heard the coffin break,                                  
    I saw the coffin break,                                    
    I felt the earth tremble,                                  
    I saw the coffin break,                                    
    You say it's too much..                                    
    Look in the mirror lady!                                   
    I felt the darkness tremble,                               
    My whole world caved in,                                   
    I forgot everything,                                       
    Silly girl!                                                
    Why did you have to sigh?                                  
    And you didn't even care!                                  
    I think you were just trying to throw me off.              
    Dance?                                                     
    Hold on,                                                   
    It's a release of energy.                                  
    Carry out my sentence.                                     
    We are a lot alike in some ways, ya know that?             
    Want to?                                                   
    I'm sorry..I didn't mean to bug you.                       
    Does that scare you?                                       
    Give in to desire.                                         
    I want to slowly cut your throat.                          
    If I knew what I wanted..                                  
    Please Kill Me.                                            
    When tempest-tossed, embrace chaos.                        
    Oh, look at the pretty red velvet coat!                    
    I can feel the blood running down my neck,                 
    I can taste the deep dark liquid as it penetrates the      
      surface.                                                 
    I want to watch the pain fill your soul                    
    So that you know the feeling,                              
    Only you will.                                             
    I want to crawl into your head                             
    When your not looking..                                    
    Blinded by your sweet pain.                                
    Yeah, give me just a little more.                          
    Step on the wound again and again,                         
    Just like a lover's caress;                                
    Only you will know so tell me all                          
    Of your secrets,                                           
    Just kind of like a terrorist's touch;                     
    Fifteen minutes                                            
    Of pain                                                    
    I shove into you,                                          
    Again...                                                   
    Again....                                                  
    I'll stick it in your head,                                
    Just like a vampires first kiss.                           
    Purest feeling.                                            
    Can you see the distance in my eyes??                      
    I am a person,                                             
    I think its about time you realize.                        
    Scream!!                                                   
    In and out, I see how you are!                             
    You're not so devout,                                      
    Crashing into your painful reality!                        
    You are not what you want us to think you to be.           
    You  are just a poor weak demented soul.                   
    Once I gave into you.                                      
    Once you captured my control,                              
    Closer.                                                    
    We are a bunch of freaks.                                  
    They are my protectors,                                    
    But you don't understand me.                               
    Do you see how much I hurt,                                
    And the rest is all history.                               
    History!                                                   
    Got to go,                                                 
    See ya soon.                                               
    I could kill you with another one!!                        
    Struggling...                                              
    You are a hideous orangutan!!                              
    I try to push him away!                                    
    He suffers a look strong and fierce,                       
    As if he were the victim.                                  
    Take your drugs!                                           
    He pulls his lips closer to mine,                          
    Forcing his demons into my body.                           
    Fuck off bastard!                                          
    They run all up and down me.                               
    Good riddance!                                             
    I Am So Impure.                                            
    I come from Mars!                                          
    I only give head to guys I care about.                     
    Doesn't it make you feel wetter?                           
    Injecting me with their pure sweet poisons.                
    Bad person gone!!!                                         
    So no gloating.                                            
    Stop that you!!                                            
    I try to scream but no one comes!                          
    I try to cry but no one hears me!                          
    And the gun scrapes the sides of my throat.                
    Later,                                                     
    My tongue traces the ghostly outline,                      
    As I faintly remember him saying - I only                  
    Do this because I love you.                                
    And at long last the trigger is released,                  
    All of my emotions scream out to them,                     
    Like a blazing fire,                                       
    And no one hears me.                                       
    Stop laughing at me!                                       
    I didn't mean to bore you all!                             
    The gloss has worn away,                                   
    And there is no physical anymore.                          
    Yeah, but doesn't it make you feel better,                 
    Only the intangible bits of memories,                      
    Of things that don't seem like they were ever real.        
    I was not this mean to you!                                
    That night I watched the rain fall,                        
    Brimming over with the salt water in your tears.           
    And I heard the pleading of your mind call,                
    Out to me, breaching the distance of years,                
    I had to turn my back on you.                              
    The wind of the storm, slamming the door,                  
    On the pleasure and the pain,                              
    Those extreme states of existence you gave to me,          
    In those minutes, days, months before.                     
    I am not to blame!                                         
    You once submerged me in your affection.                   
    Now you bring me to your death bed,                        
    And beg for my forgiveness.                                
    Skin on skin does not promise soul on soul.                
    When you ripped yours away,                                
    Moving back and forth to the rhythm,                       
    You separated a whole.                                     
    Feeling your breath enter my soul,                         
    The person you gave to me is dying.                        
    Don't you care about me?                                   
    Your heart molds into mine,                                
    And I can do nothing but sit passively and watch.          
    My body embraces your control.                             
    I feel your touch penetrate my skin.                       
    I sense your desire for me from you within!                
    The image distorts, as the beautiful turns hideous,        
    I want you in every way possible,                          
    Then the hideous turns to gold.                            
    The desire is burning my mind                              
    With one touch from you,                                   
    I need you like there is no tomorrow                       
    I must be a loser!                                         
    It all goes back to you, time after time                   
    I guess you don't care about me!                           
    Now there is nothing, but the dry taste of sand in my      
      throat,                                                  
    Your ghost in my bed,                                      
    Whispers of words you once said.                           
    It's so cold where you haunt me.                           
    I can't have my world with you!                            
    I can't have my world without you!                         
    I think I know now what you meant.                         
    I just wish I could stop the bleeding.                     
    I see how you are now.                                     
    Thought about you again.                                   
    Will wonders never cease?                                  
    I am not laughing!                                         
    I miss you much more,                                      
    I just cant shake this disease.                            
    I wish someone would justify my feelings!                  
    Tell me my emotions are right!                             
    But this is something I've been looking for,               
    And will for the rest of my life.                          
    Am I supposed to give in to love,                          
    And all its pleasures and traps?                           
    I still love you this much more.                           
    And will forever and ever after, perhaps.                  
    How many times must I tell myself,                         
    Its going to be all right,                                 
    I just want you to come back to me.                        
    I cry myself to sleep night after night.                   
    I am drawing a complete blank.                             
    What are you all doing?                                    
    God damn I am so stupid!!                                  
    Slap...                                                    
    Thank you I needed that.                                   
    What are we supposed to know?                              
    God,                                                       
    I know it's not going to happen!                           
    What the fuck did I miss?                                  
    I wish I knew!                                             
    I don't remember much either...                            
    I just remember bits and pieces.                           
    Still you feed me and I swallow.                           
    I have never gotten like that before.                      
    I hate that!                                               
    I want to cry but I don't have it in me!                   
    I am not happy!                                            
    I am confused!                                             
    I remember it,                                             
    But it seems like a dream to me.                           
    I am sure I could cry if I really want to,                 
    But I am not going to cry just for the hell of it.         
    Sometimes it helps to!                                     
    If I wasn't already gone.                                  
    I could let you hold my heart in your hands.               
    I could let you touch my hair, the strands.                
    I could let you see the scars on my soul.                  
    If I had not already annihilated the being, you might      
      understand.                                              
    I could let you shatter my glass skies.                    
    I could let you through my wall of lies.                   
    I could let you taste my tears.                            
    I don't like the fact that I lost it too.                  
    If I had not already shut them off, the dry wells that are 
      now my eyes,                                             
    I could let you free the dove fluttering in the clear,     
    Bouncing, bouncing,                                        
    Is what I long to be.                                      
    All those pretty little faces,                             
    I could let you spin a web around my icy fear,             
    Aren't what they seem to be.                               
    I could let you quietly kiss my mind.                      
    All those pristine little bitches.                         
    If I had not already sent myself away before you got too   
      near,                                                    
    Showering him with hugs and kisses,                        
    He tries to pierce her flesh,                              
    And she melts in his hands.                                
    No!!                                                       
    Now nothing but a puddle of grease,                        
    Just like a virgin!                                        
    Next time, don't be such a fucking tease!!                 
    Black,                                                     
    Oh MY GOD!!                                                
    That was weird!                                            
    No doubt..                                                 
    Hold on..                                                  
    I swear we can read each other!                            
    I think there is a binding force.                          
    I got lost,                                                
    But you all are welcome to help!                           
    I never get to get off.                                    
    I just need some time alone,                               
    Its me and my hand, as I lie on my back,                   
    Sorry.                                                     
    Real quick.                                                
    No!!                                                       
    Come on!                                                   
    Oops! haha..                                               
    Come on ho!                                                
    We don't have all minute.                                  
    Man, it would have been one hell of a ride!                
    No one was there.                                          
    The shitheads!                                             
    Go figure.                                                 
    Want me to invite anyone else or leave it at us three?     
    Would have been creative though.                           
    Whatever you like,                                         
    With all kinds of toys.                                    
    It's up to you...                                          
    Did you guys see that?                                     
    You can invite him.                                        
    You do trust me?                                           
    Roll it up!                                                
    Its a little Jizzy in here.                                
    I feel a bit Jizzy.                                        
    Laugh...                                                   
    I mean dizzy.                                              
                                                               
        What you have  just experienced  is a little touch  of 
    everyone.  This  is  a  conversation that  took  place  in 
    someone's private  channel in  the teleconference  area of 
    VDS  which  I edited just a  little (ok a LOT) to come out 
    with  this  rather  different  um.. POEM??  Well what ever 
    you choose to call it..I have no idea who said what or why 
    so please  just  read  it  and take  the  many deep seated 
    meanings from it and enjoy.                                
                               --DeRaNgEd!!                    
                                                               
                                                               
                     ______________________________            
                                                               
                              Been Waiting                     
                            by Black Sunshine                  
                                                               
    Let me bind you                                            
    lock you in,                                               
    Let me taste you                                           
    lick your skin,                                            
    Let me know you                                            
    burn in sin,                                               
    Let me save you                                            
    once again;                                                
                                                               
    i want to shape your flesh                                 
    warm, white, human, real                                   
    i want to touch your lips                                  
    i know i can make you feel                                 
    i want to pull you deep inside                             
    i want to feel the change in seasons                       
    i want to consume you in this blaze of trust               
    i want to melt away all your reasons                       
                                                               
    i can do this                                              
    i can do this                                              
    let me have you                                            
    put me to this                                             
    let me try it                                              
    i know you knew this                                       
    it's no secret                                             
    let me do this                                             
    i must have you                                            
    i can do this                                              
                                                               
    i feel more than i ever should                             
    i feel your touch; it feels too good                       
    i feel your fingers on my cheek                            
    stealing the words i wish to speak                         
    your hand wanders slowly in its quest                      
    to discover the curve between my breast                    
    down my stomach, my hips, my thighs                        
    you can't hide the desire inside your eyes                 
                                                               
    take me let me own you                                     
    wake me let me tone you                                    
    all my life has hinged on this                             
    the way you changed me with your kiss                      
                                                               
    Now tell me why i cannot hold you                          
        tell me why i can't enfold you                         
        tell me that you can deny me                           
        tell me you feel nothing by me                         
        tell me that you do not want me                        
        tell me why you have to haunt me                       
        tell me it's just for tonight                          
        tell me that this isn't right                          
        tell me you're never thinking of me                    
        tell me that you do not love me                        
                                                               
    just fucking tell me                                       
    i've been waiting                                          
    push me away                                               
    scar me                                                    
    hurt me                                                    
    i've been fading                                           
    sunlight dying                                             
    hear my crying                                             
    but do not come                                            
    do not care                                                
                                                               
    drive your nail into my flesh                              
    be sure to tear the skin                                   
    throw acid on my open wound                                
    let it eat its way within                                  
    pierce my womb with your frigid claws                      
    destroy the female part of my shell                        
    dig your fingers into my soul                              
    twist the human part as well                               
                                                               
    emptiness inside and out                                   
    nothing left to talk about                                 
    it was all for you anyway                                  
    nothing now                                                
    i died that day                                            
                                                               
    no more                                                    
    i am new                                                   
    i have been here before                                    
    but never for you                                          
    you swore                                                  
    but words are never true                                   
    i was a believer                                           
    my very life                                               
    is the master deceiver                                     
                                                               
    i think i can say goodbye                                  
    i think that i can let you die                             
                                                               
                  ______________________________               
                                                               
                         Fiend or Fetish                       
                        by Violetta Kitten                     
                                                               
    Creeping, crawling, demons inside of me                    
    Twisting, turning, they engulf my emotions                 
    I can't find the ending                                    
    I don't remember the beginning                             
    Kill me                                                    
    Slowly                                                     
    So I can feel the pain                                     
    Kill me                                                    
    Dissolve me                                                
    Make me scream out your name                               
    I don't know why I feel like I do                          
    I wish I knew what you knew                                
    I want to be happy too                                     
    If only I could crush me away                              
    This is the only price I know to pay                       
    Don't you hate how everyone leaves you alone               
    They don't care how you feel                               
    Heartless - flesh and bone                                 
    This life seems so unreal                                  
    I would love to ruin myself                                
    I would love to get away                                   
    But there is something inside of me                        
    Urging me to stay                                          
    There are people I love                                    
    That I would do anything for                               
    These people I know                                        
    They leave me begging for more                             
    They have shown me how beautiful                           
    That life can really be                                    
    Without these lovely people                                
    My soul would drown beneath the sea                        
    For them I would sing my last note                         
    I would drink my last drop                                 
    For them I would kill a bleeding nation                    
    I would let my heart stop                                  
    I love them                                                
    I need them                                                
    They are my heart, soul and inspiration                    
    I nourish them                                             
    I feed them                                                
    THEY ARE MY LAST SURVIVING SENSATION                       
                                                               
                  ______________________________               
                                                               
                             Untitled                          
                             by Raven                          
                                                               
    Heavenly body, where dost thou tread?                      
    Devil's kiss, angel's smile                                
    look to thee for passions flame                            
    cry to thee for blood and pain                             
    Heaven's eyes cast a downward gaze                         
    to the place I stand today                                 
    they have seen me in my anguish                            
    they have seen me in my victory                            
    they don't approve of my actions,                          
    but I do them anyway                                       
    Send me a dark star tonight,                               
    upon a veil of midnight                                    
    crooked hands twist my fears into light                    
    become the tragic grain of salt that burns my eyes         
    Heaven doesn't want me,                                    
    Hell can't keep me                                         
    Where do I go from here?                                   
                                                                
                  ______________________________               
                                                               
                          Understanding Confusion                    
                             By DeRaNgEd                        
                                                               
    Wooly mittens on summer days,                              
    Buried underneath black desert snow.                       
    Drowning myself in your dry tears,                         
    My thoughtless mind works overtime,                        
    As harmless fists beat down the strong,                    
    And a million screamed words fall silently                 
    Out of my mouth,                                           
    To the ear that hears everything and nothing at all.       
    Blood drips from healed wounds,                            
    As swallows spit icy fire and walk through hard mush,      
    And the black cat barks at passing cars,                   
    While the small dalmation purrs as he sharpens his claws,  
    And understanding lies in total confusion.                 
                                                               
                                                                 
                                                                 

  
     "You think that by saying 'I'm sorry,' that all the past
      can be erased."
                                --Rhett, GONE WITH THE WIND
 

                                                                 
                           And That's Final                      
              (no need to whimper, no need to shout)           
                                                               
    ͻ  
                                                             
                    THE PAST MONTH IN REVIEW                 
                                                             
               Best Farwest Trivia Question Seen:            
              "What is an example of a hardwood?"            
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                          
                Best Time Spent Wasting Time:                
         Asking a ouija board what a certain person          
         we know is doing at that particular moment,         
         and having the board reply, "Masturbating."         
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                      Biggest Fuck-Up:                       
         Wait... there's  been  too  many  of  those         
         lately to choose only one..                         
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                   Worst Day of the Month:                   
         Valentines Day.  Blech.  Why? (1) It's sappy,       
         and (2) It's a conformist holiday.                   
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                 Most Engrossing Pick-Up Line:               
                 (sadly, it was in a movie..)                
         "I've seen you before-- in a flash forward in       
         time.  You're beautiful. You're perfect.  You       
         don't belong here.  Let me take you somewhere       
         where  you  can  feel something,  where I can       
         feel  something,   where  we  can  both  feel        
         something real."                                    
                                   --Vassago, HIDEAWAY       
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                       Biggest Loser:                        
        All hail Erotica, the  newest  member  of  the        
        seemingly  neverending  stream  of  online hot       
        chat experts with an interesting set of morals.      
        She has been caught in many lies about herself       
        and paged several men on VDS seducing them, as       
        they would later tell it, into cybersex, phone       
        sex, and even (gasp) the real thing. The woman       
        describes herself as sexy and  beautiful.   If       
        this were true, then  why  is  she  sitting in       
        front  of  her  modem  all day picking up men?       
        HELLO?  Can we please buy this person a clue??       
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                    Stupidest Thing Said:                     
             "Ohh... I thought you were a LADY..."           
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                  Most Overrated Activity:                   
                           Sex.                              
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                  Most Underrated Activity:                  
                  Talking about having sex.                  
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                    Best Drop-In Visit:                      
         Near the beginning of the month,  all members       
         of P0i except one dropped by the apartment of       
         Black Sunshine  and Deranged one evening  and        
         provided them with cheap  entertainment  (get       
         those perverted thoughts out of  your  head).       
         It  is hilar  to watch stoned  people try and       
         behave  in  a normal manner.  Feel free to go       
         light up and then come  by and put on another       
         show sometime, guys... :)                           
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
           Most Overused Statment in a Conversation:         
                           "Hi."                             
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
             Most Overused Reply to Said Statement:          
                          "Kinda."                           
                                                             
                       *  *  *  *  *                         
                  Best Online Conversation:                  
        God and Satan came to teleconference one night       
        and graced us with their words of wisdom.  The       
        most enlightening thing we could get from Satan       
        though,  was:   YOU  STUPID  FUCKING  GODDAMNED       
        COCKSUCKING  MOTHERFUCKING  SHITFACED  TWO  BIT       
        CLAPPED-OUT DOUCHEBAG!!!!!!   Then Jack Flack's       
        request,  "Hey god...  give me... huge pectoral       
        muscles." And God's response: "Okay Jack.. Just      
        work out 5 hours a day for a year and your wish      
        shall be granted.  And Pyroman's desire:   "hey      
        god kill the satan thing."  We  don't  know who      
        these  God and Satan people were but it was the      
        most fucking hilarious thing we've ever seen.        
      
                                                                
                                                               
                     ****CUMMING ATTRACTIONS****                
                                             
              ...gif photographs of TDKEB members...           
           ... a viewer (searching adamantly for help)...      
  ... major parties coming up-- full commentaries on them...    
  ...complete unedited HOT CHAT capture--what REALLY goes on...
                  ... what women really want...                
                ... all's fair in love and rock...             
            ... we talk to the spirit world about sex...       
        ... culture shock- new words for changing times...      
                            AND MORE!!                         
                                                               
  *************************************************************
  *                  WUZ IT GOOD FER YOU, BAYBEE?             * 
  * Tell us what you think. Pick it apart and let us know how * 
  * we are doing.  We  don't care if you kiss our asses or if * 
  * you  rip  us to  shreds, but  don't just lay there like a * 
  * zombie....                                                *
  *************************************************************
                                                               
                          Parting Comments....                 
                                                               
           "You must be so oppressed." -Violetta Kitten        
         "Take a bad bong and make it wetter." -DeRaNgEd       
   "Body's an eight but the brain is a ten." -Black Sunshine    
   "We are family.. I have sister whiskey with me.." -Anacodia 
             "Did you guys lick three ways?" -Raven            
                                                               
                                                               
                         THANKS FOR PLAYING!!!                  
                           Until next time...
                        Oh yeah--and remember... 
                      **NOT IN OPEN TELE-CONFERENCE**                 
                           
                                                                      

 
     "That was the worst fucking head I ever got in my life.
      Next time don't be so fucking eager."
                                --Mallory, NATURAL BORN KILLERS
 








