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      A Zine Dedicated To Bitching And Moaning About People In Society
							Vol. I Num. I


     Welcome to  PISS. A different  kind  of zine. We  don't  do  anarchy.
   We don't practice  wicca, and  we don't pretend we can  hack  VAXen. We
   don't make crystal meth in  our basement. We  don't get erections every
   time a Renegade update comes out.  We  don't write adult text. We  have 
   no business  in warez. We're not into the paranoia conspiracy thing. We
   don't trade source code for C++ or Pascal. We don't draw obnoxious ansi
   of comicbook heroes. What does PISS do? Bitch. And moan. We rant, rave, 
   complain, filibuster, debate, gripe, whine, and get pissed. Pissed off.
   At society and the people in it.
      

      - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -      
			  In This Issue:
      

      BITE ME MONKEY BOY: Music, subverts, insecurity, and life. 
      
      I ALMOST CARE: How to deal with phone solicitors. The FUN way.
      
      COMPROMISE SCHMOMPROMISE: The pitfalls of the Jews for Jesus.
      
      - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

	  FIRST RANT.
      
	  
      Alternative. Hip-hop. Country. Punk.  Classic rock. R+B. Seattle.      
   Heavy Metal. Soul. Jazz. Reggae. Pop. And every other possible style  
   of music that you can think of. Don't  matter what kind it is,  what 
   it sounds like,  someone is going to slam it. You listen to Nirvana? 
   Poser. Nine Inch Nails? Bandwagon. Green Day? Sellout. Garth Brooks?
   Inbred. Pennywise? Skaterdork. Grateful Dead? Homo. I find it pretty 
   ironic that people will find a  way to insult  any music  that  they  
   themselves don't listen to.  But there's reason for it. It's  an ego 
   booster, and a mask for insecurity. And I'm fucking tired of it. I'm
   getting pissed.

      The explanation behind this whole music deal is pretty simple. It
   usually starts when one is in their early teens, and just  beginning 
   to play the whole "I'm cool as shit" game. You go and throw away all
   your Bon Jovi,  Poison, Def Leppard, and Michael Jackson  tapes, and 
   begin looking for some new rebel music that'll define  just how cool
   you really are to all of your  peers. You pick your style of choice,
   and from that point on anything else sucks. You've only three things
   to worry about: making sure  your  music is so original that you can
   be one of those  trendy new "individuals", making  sure that  nobody
   else listens to your bands (or else you'd lose your trendy status as
   an individual, oh no), and making sure that you put  down  everybody 
   else's music, so that you can show how much cooler than them you are
   and so that you can further reassure yourself of your new subversive
   personality.

      Or you can choose another path, which is that of  conformist. You      
   go out and buy the music that everyone else is  listening to, try to 
   do exactly what MTV tells you is "hip", and do your best to blend in
   with everyone else, you don't wanna seem different, weird. Secure as
   being a  conformer, you'd rather that than  be an outcast. Standards
   vary from area to area. At my high school, since the late 70's  it's
   been the Grateful Dead  and pot. If you listen to the Dead, and live 
   on weed, you are cool. No questions asked. Otherwise, you're.. yep..
   different. So the conformists just go with the flow, which generally 
   leads to social success, if not personal torment, for these people. 

      Of course, there are two other kinds of people who  fit into this 
   story. There's the kid who buys what he  likes, and don't care if he 
   saw it advertised on  MTV, or if it's "corporate rock". There's also 
   the guy who really does just have unique tastes, and just isn't into
   the same kind of stuff most other  people are. Now strangely,  these
   two types, the only two who are being honest, get the most shit from
   their  peers. They, unlike the conformist  and the coolguy,  are not
   sacrificing their thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes in hopes of
   being deemed "cool". They are  being true to themselves,  but  their
   shallow and insecure peers are more concerned with  their image than 
   happiness.

     So what inevitably happens (damn, that was a longass introduction,
   wasn't it?) is these four groups come into conflict. The coolguy and
   the conformist are worried about their image, due to some adolescent
   insecurities (which I'm sure are perfectly natural). They deal  with
   these insecurities in two ways, the coolguy taking  the active path,
   the conformist the passive one. Usually, unfortunately, the innocent
   "realguy" recieves the same  abuse thrown at the  conformist by  the 
   coolguys. Coolguy is most always the instigator in these fights. So,
   coolguy ends  up saying how Metallica and  NIN kick so much ass, and 
   how he is  so cool because he  listens to them. And he begins to say 
   to conformist how  much his music sux, and how much better coolguy's
   is. Meanwhile, conformist is saying that he listens to the same shit  
   that coolguy listens to. Because of course, hell, it's so damn cool.
   This further enrages coolguy, because now he is being told his music
   is no longer ORIGINAL, so  he begins to question  the integrity with
   which conformist  listens to  those groups. (Pot calling  the kettle
   black, no?) So conformist beings a half assed attempt to explain how
   he feels Trent Reznor's pain, when Trent bleeds, HE bleeds. And poor
   real guy is being assaulted at the same time, and all he  can say is
   the truth, that  he listens to NIN and Green Day and Offspring cause
   he heard them on MTV and thought they were pretty good. And all the
   while, Authenticallydifferentman  is laughing at  all of this. Alas,
   coolguy has a problem with him too. Coolguy's jealous of him because
   coolguy knows in his heart that authenticman is what he's pretending
   to be. So he has to start ripping on authenticman, to try and do two
   things; one, once again  bolster his self esteem (or lack there of), 
   and two, try and  subconsciously tell  authenticman that he's not as
   Authentic as he really is. But authenticallydifferentman's too smart
   for that shit.  And realguy, poor, simple, misunderstood  realguy is 
   just sitting there wondering why the fuck this all matters,  christ, 
   it's only music, it's not like the meaning of life. So conformist is
   trying to think of a way  that he can just blend into the background
   again while they all  duke it  out, and  coolguy, in  the midst of a 
   testosterone rush, demands realguy tell him what Eddie Vedder is all
   about. Realguy looks at him and asks coolguy if he  wants  to borrow
   his copy of Ten,  becuase, hey, it's like  pretty good and stuff. So
   authenticman, in a flurry of selflessness, asks coolguy why HE  is a 
   more valid NIN fan than realguy is,  (hey, the honest losers have to
   stick together) and coolguy states that he knew about them first. So
   Authenticman whips out a ticket stub from a NIN show in 1986, from a
   theater that only seats two  hundred people. Suddenly, all commotion
   comes to a halt. They are  all faced with  the pinnacle of coolness.
   Coolguy begins saying how Trent was his  fourth cousin once removed,
   while conformist is  trying to ask  authenticman if he's busy Friday
   nite. Realguy has wandered off in the meantime to buy the new Motley
   Crue album, and carries it up to the register with not the slightest
   bit of shame on his face. As the day comes to an end,  Coolguy  goes
   home to watch Alternative Nation and take notes on all the cool  new
   bands he can like. Comformist goes to a  party at a neighbor's house
   and dies of alcohol poisoning while  pretending  that he likes beer.
   Authenticman walks off into the sunset in search of more cool things
   he can do. And realguy goes home to enjoy the blissful sounds of his 
   new Nirvana Unplugged, proud  to say that he  has no clue  what Kurt
   Cobain is talking about, and has no desire to.

     So what's my point?
      
	1. None of this shit matters. Why is it music such an intrinsic
   part of an adolescent's persona anyway? Why not make it their choice
   of underwear? Coolguy wears boxers, Formy wears breifs, Authenticman
   freeballs? This is all stupid. It's juvenile, and  immature. However
   it's only a phase. I've never seen anyone over the age of thirty act 
   this way. So maybe there still is hope.

	2. Insecurity sucks. Be honest, and you'll be much happier. Who
   cares if you don't have any freinds? Better than having fake freinds 
   who you don't even like.

	3. Questioning the integrity with which someone follows a band
   is dumb and  ignorant. I hate Green Day, but find it hilarious when 
   I hear  someone accuse a Green  Day  fan of being a sell out loser. 
   Yea, Green Day did sell out to become rich and famous, but if a kid
   thinks "Dookie" is a cool sounding album, why does it matter to him 
   if they are making a lot of  money? To him, they still sound  good.
   And don't say it's the principle of the matter. Sure, the principle
   of Green Day (and Offspring) selling  out the punk scene does suck,
   but hell, if that's what you think, then YOU don't buy the album.

	4. Being the only person to listen to a band does not make you    
   cool. Hell, I had  a copy of Nevermind before Nirvana had ever been
   on MTV. And you  know what?  There are a lot  of people  who had it 
   before I  did. And i don't  care. I don't tell people not to listen 
   to Nirvana because "I had them first" (well, that and I really dont
   like em that much, but...). My favorite  band is The Ramones.  They
   are one of the oldest punk bands around, yet have been very unlucky
   with their music, and not many people have caught on to them. So do
   I try and keep them secret? Hell no. I talk about them every chance
   I get. If something is good, share it, don't try to keep it secret.
   That's immature, and NOT cool. 
	    
	5. Don't try to be an Authenticman. That's what starts all the    
   problems. Be a Realguy, and  you not only will  be an Authenticman,      
   but you'll be much happier. Do what's NATURAL.

	6. Be nice. It's nicer that way.

	7. I think you get the point. The whole  music trip  is stupid,
   immature, and a waste of time. That's about it. Stop pissing me off.    
	  
	  


	  SECOND RANT.

      Scenario:  You and your all-American family have just sat down to
    a pleasant Sunday evening dinner. Just as you are offering to serve
    your little brother some delicious, wholesome veggies, the tranquil
    scene is interrupted by the screech of the telephone. Daddy gets up
    to answer it, trying his best to maintain his composure, lest he be
    rude to the caller. But when Daddy hears the all too familiar "Good
    evening Mr.<appropriate surname>, how are you tonite? <doesn't wait 
    for a reply> That's great. My name is Bill Meyers, and I was hoping 
    you could spare me a minute of your time, so that I could  tell you 
    about the next great development in the colostomy bag industry. Now
    if I could just... ", Daddy is slightly annoyed. He politely states
    that his family is in the middle of dinner, and he does not want to
    deal with this now. "I'm sure," replies Bill, "but I promise you, I
    won't take more than a minute of your time. So as I was saying, the
    bag collects the fecal matter in an amazing new way. You see-"  but
    before he can continue, Daddy loses control and flips. "Look, you.. 
    you.. ignoramus! Yea! You ignoramus, I'm trying to enjoy a precious
    family bonding moment, and you're here disturbing our meal! I won't
    stand for it! You are SOO insensitive to our needs! I am hanging up
    now! I won't tolerate this insurrection! Good-Bye!" Click.

      Seem familiar? Most likely, no. But you know what I'm getting at.
    At one  time or another, we've all had to deal with obnoxious phone
    solicitors, calling at any and every hour so  they can mispronounce 
    our names, insult our lifestyles, and then bombard us with  a sales
    pitch explaining why a solar powered  ostrich  waxer is a necessity
    for any nuclear family of the nineties. Welp, I'm sick and tired of
    dealing with this shit. So a few months  ago, I decided to think up
    as many immature, juvenile, and obnoxious ways of dealing with this 
    as possible. A list of my favorite means of revenge follows.  

	1) The General Obnoxiousness Reply

		A favorite  throughout the  generations, this consists 
	    of basically yelling at the person and being really really 
	    obnoxious, and then hanging up on them. Cute, but not very 
	    fun.

	2) The "Okay" Game.

		A very simple very enjoyable way to deal with the guy. 
	    Wait until he introduces himself, and as soon as he begins      
	    his speech, say "Okay". Continue to say OK as often as you
	    can, for the duration of the call. Change  your inflection 
	    and tone of voice as much as  possible. The idea is to see 
	    how many OKs you can get in before they hang up on you, in
	    bewilderment or annoyance. Some people prefer to throw out
	    their OKs at random, awkward intervals. Others like to use 
	    the "machine gun" approach, ie, say OK non-stop as soon as
	    he begins talking to you. Both work well.  For the record,
	    my personal best is 37 okays in a single call. 
       
	3) The Pervert

		A personal favorite, and possibly the funniest to use.
	    When the loser on the other end of the line asks you if he
	    can  tell you about his product, say yes. As he begins his
	    speech, don't say much at  first, just throw in the random
	    "uh huh" and "yes.." here and there. After a minute or two
	    begin to moan softly after every sentence. Every time that
	    he makes a "big" point,  reply with an "ooh". Increase the 
	    rate at which you do this until it is every two seconds or
	    so. Then the fun begins. Continue your moanings,  but make 
	    them louder and more obvious. Throw in lots of really loud
	    cries of "Yes! Yes!". As he continues (in probably a state
	    of mild confusion) continue "Oh God! Yes!",  "Don't Stop!"
	    Keep this up until it seems like he might be getting close
	    to the end of his  sales pitch, or he seems like he  might
	    hang up. Then, continue with the "Oh Gods!"s, and finally,
	    let loose with all your might  when he  reaches the climax
	    of his speech. "Oh my god! YES!! YES!!! I'm coming! OH GOD
	    I'M COMING!! DON'T STOP!! OH JESUS! YES!!!!!". You get the 
	    basic idea, I think. After your orgasm he will probably be
	    in a total state of shock, if he has  not hung up  already 
	    Then proceed to thank him profusely, ask him for his phone 
	    number, and ask if you  can do this again sometime. If you 
	    want, a cheesy nice  touch is  to ask  how it was for him. 
	    During all of this you  should be panting,  wheezing, etc,
	    to make it oh-so-more  realistic. Tell  him one  more time 
	    how great it was, and hang up before he can reply.

	4) The Obnoxious Whistle

		Another simple  one, but very satisfying. Try and keep 
	    one of them  Thunder whistles, or if you can't find one, a
	    referee's whistle, near your phone. If you answer the line
	    to one of those pesky phone solicitors, give him about two
	    seconds head  start, then pick up the whistle and blast it
	    into the mouthpiece of the  receiver as loudly as you can. 
	    Not only is this real annoying, but it can be really funny 
	    on a variety of levels. First off they usually scream like 
	    a little girl when they hear it, which is rather humorous.
	    Second, it's not just annoying, but really really.. umm...
	    bad?? A friend of mine did it to  a phone salesman using a
	    normal whistle, and he did it so loud that he blew out the 
	    guy's right eardrum. The company the guy  worked for tried 
	    to sue my  friend  (and his parents) but, apparently, that
	    would only be permissible if my friend had called them. So
	    then case never even went to court. So it's not only a fun
	    way to permanently damage someone who SUCKS, but it's also
	    legal! Gotta love our justice system. And as a note, don't
	    try this  with an airhorn,  you'd probably end up  hurting 
	    yourself more than the loser on the other end of the wire.
	    Oh, and although I've never had the pleasure of this, I've
	    been told by others that sometimes the schmucks don't even
	    hang up. If that's the case, don't worry. Wait about three
	    seconds and do it again. Repeat as necessary.

	5) Stopwatch Fun.

		This one sucks, but if you're bored, go for it. Keep a
	    stopwatch by the phone, and  start it as soon as the loser
	    begins  his rap. Put the phone down, go get a beer or soda
	    or something, come back, and see how long he can go before 
	    he realizes that  no one is listening to him. I told ya it 
	    sucks.

	6) The Lonely Neurotic Game

		Really funny if you do it right. When he starts talking
	    act normal for about a minute. Then  try to, real subtle at
	    first, drag him into a totally unrelated conversation. Tell
	    him  about your cat's urinary tract  infection. Ask him his 
	    favorite flavor of cheese. Tell him about your first sexual 
	    experience. Begin reciting the  Gettysburg Address. Ask him 
	    if he speaks any other languages, and  then say you'll only 
	    listen to his speech in  that language. Ask him if he spits
	    or swallows. Sing the Cuban national anthem. Backwards. Try 
	    and start a farting contest. You get the idea.

	 7) The "I Think I'm Seven Game"

		Hahaha... this one is so stupid, and so funny. Watch the
	    reaction you get from this one. It really annoys da fuck out
	    out of the solicitor. As soon as you can identify him as one
	    of "them",  start doing the  mimic game you played when  you 
	    were seven. You  know, the "copy" game. Everything  he says,
	    repeat back to him. For added effect, do it in a really high
	    pitched, nasal, whiny voice. If they  get flustered, keep it 
	    up. You've not seen patheticness until you've heard a twenty
	    seven year old man have a temper tantrum over the phone.


      There are a million other things ya could do to do these People Who 
    Suck. These are just some of my favorites. And don't you worry if you 
    don't get many calls from phone  salespeople. I've found that most of 
    these tactics work really well on annoying friends as  well as on the
    professional assholes. So next time  some loser rings you up,  either
    professional or amateur, don't just get Pissed. Have fun.      

	


	  THIRD RANT.       
       
      I was meandering through  downtown Philadelphia  last week, going 
    nowhere  in particular pretty quickly, when I came to the corner of 
    Sixteenth and Chesnut. As is usual around Christmas time, there was
    a big old fat Santa Claus with gratuitous Salvation  Army kettle in 
    hand, clanking  his obnoxious little bell  at passersby. Across the
    street  from him was the neurotic guy with  the giant sign exalting 
    the second coming of christ, megaphone in one  hand, tattered bible
    in the other. But as I continued down the sidewalk, I noticed there 
    was something different.. There were new solicitors on the sidewalk
    today. Dressed in blue n white, four of them  had commandeered each 
    corner of the intersection and were distributing (or, at the least, 
    trying to) little white pamphlets to the pedestrians walking  by. I 
    recognized  them immediately as members of one of the more pathetic 
    organizations in America today. Called Messianic Jews, Yeshuahites, 
    or whatever else, they are the Jews For Jesus, some of the sorriest 
    people I have ever had to encounter.
    
      Jews For Jesus is an organization that is about,  basically, what
    its name implies. The members are mostly Jews who decide that Jesus
    is the real deal, but choose not to become  Christians. So they try
    to make a compromise between the two, remaining practicing Jews (in
    their minds) but accepting the concept of Jesus as the messiah. The
    Jews For Jesus as a whole however, are neither Jewish or Christian.
    Their basic doctrine goes like this: Jesus did come to Earth around 
    2000 years ago,  but no one really realized how great a guy he was, 
    so he just got shit all over. So  then he did the whole crucifixion 
    deal, and went to meet God in heaven, etc, etc, etc. They say  that
    the reason not everyone on Earth  believes in him is because he did
    not finish his job here. So they are  waiting for him to come back.
    Until then, they won't be either real Jews or real Christians, they
    figure they can decide that  when the real messiah, whoever  he is,
    finally shows up. This is not necessarily their complete doctrine,
    but a summary given to me twice, once by the Philadelphia JFJs, and
    once by the New York City JFJs.
    
      So basically, the Christian  church (and the  Christian community 
    as a whole) detest these people,  who want to accept  the christian 
    messiah without  adapting  to his church. And the  Jewish community
    has the same basic feelings, the Messianics are  going  against the
    most basic tenets of  Jewish theology, that the Messiah hasn't  yet
    arrived on Earth. Yet they insist they are Jewish, even if they do
    believe in Jesus. Essentially, nobody likes them (Okay, maybe the
    Muslims don't hate them too much, but..). 
		  
      Well anyway, I was getting closer and closer to one of the freaks
    when I realized that she had already locked me into her sights. Not
    having planned a discourse for this situation, I cut her off before
    she could finish her "Merry Christmas! Can I intere.." with a sharp
    and intentionally quite loud snap of "Pagan!" to her face. I rushed
    across the street before she could say anything else, thinking that
    I had "won" that battle. However, her compatriot across the way had
    heard my remark to her, so not only did he offer me a pamphlet, but
    he had the nerve to corner me against a busy food stand, so that he
    might be able to preach his wisdom to me against my will. I thought 
    as quickly as I could about  the best way to get out of this. I did 
    recall the time two years  ago when I was up in New York with  some 
    freinds, and we went to South Street Seaport. We weren't there five
    minutes when we were greeted by  the NYC faction of the Yeshuaites,
    and assholes we are, we  weren't going to just  ignore them. One of
    my freinds  there had been going  to a Jewish  day school  for four 
    years, so he  engaged in a lengthy debate on the  interpretation of
    the bible and other  scriptures with one  of the guys. Having never
    really  studied  the bible  so in depth, I was  left standing there
    telling  the guy "You're ugly,  you smell,  and you suck real bad."
    
      As effective as this argument may have  been then, I didn't think    
    that it  would serve me well  now. So i decided to forget the whole  
    theology-bible-interpretation thing, and launch into something I am
    good at, to hold my own against this guy. So I began  grilling  him
    on the integrity & ethics  behind his beliefs, being as obnoxiously
    intelligent  (and just obnoxious) as i could  on such short  notice. 
    A transcript of  our conversation (as best as i can recall) follows.
    Feel free to make your own judgement on the JFJs from what they say.
    I have already made up my mind.

    (Me) Do you want something?

    (Jew For Jesus) Yes. I wanted to talk to you about our organization.

    (M) I'm familiar with you guys already.

    (J) Is that right?

    (M) Yes. I harassed one of you in New York a few years ago. It was fun.

    (J) <awkward laugh> hehe.. um, can i offer you some literature?

    (M) How about this, can I ask you some questions?

    (J) I'd be happy to answer any questions you had about our group.

    (M) Are you Jewish or Christian?

    (J) Both.

    (M) Impossible.

    (J) How do you figure?

    (M) Jews don't believe in christ, christians do. It's really not that 
	complicated.

    (J) Haha, well, yes, in a way you are right. But you see--

    (M) <interrupting> Wait, I've heard this speech before. Tell me this.
	If you believe that the messiah already came, but has more work to
	do, and will come again, why not start a totally new religion based
	on that premise? Why hang on to these two?

    (J) It's not that simple.

    (M) Sure it is. Do you celebrate Hannukah?

    (J) Yes.

    (M) Do you celebrate Christmas?

    (J) Yes.

    (M) Passover?

    (J) Yes.

    (M) Easter?

    (J) Yes.

    (M) Memorial Day?

    (J) Ye.. um, what?

    (M) Nevermind. Look, let me cut to the chase. Aren't you just some 
	really insecure Jewish guy who wants to comform to the rest of 
	American society by believing in this christ guy? But you're either too
	indecisive or too scared of the reprecussions you might face from
	god, if you did such a thing? If say, there was no jesus, 
	and you ended up pissing god off real bad? Is that it?

    (J) <trying to maintain composure> Interesting opinion, but I was not
	actually born a Jew. I just agree with many of the tenets of the
	Jewish faith.

    (M) Are you circumcised?

    (J) No.

    (M) Then how can you call yourself a Jew? Any kind of Jew? Can't be
	Jewish with that foreskin thing, ya know.

    (J) I don't wanna do it. It'd hurt too much.

    (M) You're kidding, right?

    (J) No.

    (M) And you are supposed to be a good representative of your 
	organization?

    (J) I feel I am.

    (M) Uh huh.

    (J) Look, would you like a pamphlet? It might answer a lot of your
	questions.

    (M) No. I'd rather stand here and try to understand your psyche.

    (J) Um, I really have to be going, there are a lot of people out. It's
	lunch hour.

    (M) Hold on. How do you justify a name like "Jews for Jesus"? It is
	an oxymoron in its purest essence.

    (J) I don't know. But I'm not sure which is the proper path, as the
	Messiah, Yeshua, has not yet returned to Earth.

    (M) Wait. You're not sure? But you said before that it's NOT because
	you are indecisive. Make up your mind.
		      
    (J) Okay, maybe I am. What of it? You know, there are some Jews For 
	Jesus who are starting a new branch called the Buddhist Jews for
	Jesus.

    (M) Hahaha... hehe

    (J) I wasn't kidding.

    (M) Oh.

    (J) Maybe they have the right idea... look, i have to run. Take this.
	<hands me a pamphlet>

    (M) Wait...

    (J) What?

    (M) Don't you think you're insulting real Jews and Christians by
	using their names in a misrepresenting sense? My history teacher
	would probably accuse you of plagarism...

    (J) Well, it's not like those names are copyrighted.

    (M) Good point. <sarcastic air to voice>

    (J) And we are happy to allow any Jews or Christians participate in 
	our services.

    (M) That's very noble of you. How do you feel about prayer in the 
	the classroom? I think it sucks...

    (J) If it's directed towards all faiths, it can be a good thing.

    (M) What about atheists?

    (J) They are different.

    (M) And agnostics?

    (J) I'm agnostic.

    (M) I thought you were a Jew For Jesus..

    (J) I am. I'm just not sure if there is a god, that's all.

    (M) So you doubt the existance of a messiah, and of a god, and your
	solution is to join every religion you can, to try and cover all
	the bases?

    (J) I wouldn't put it that way...

    (M) Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

    (J) Huh?

    (M) He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

    (J) Umm..

    (M) Nevermind.. old joke. Tell me this. You are waiting for the 
	messiah, right?

    (J) Yes.

    (M) What if I told you that guy over there was the Messiah <pointing
	to freak with the jesus sign and the bible>?

    (J) I doubt it.

    (M) How do ya figure?

    (J) He looks like a vagrant.

    (M) Wasn't the "real" Jesus a bum too, though?

    (J) So I'm told.

    (M) Uh huh. Okay, what if I told you I was the messiah?

    (J) Look, you're not, and I really don't have time for this.

    (M) I am the messiah.

    (J) Prove it. Make yourself invisible. <with sophisticated sarcasm>

    (M) <not believing this guy> No.

    (J) Why not?

    (M) That'd be a vulgar display of power. <I stole that from "The
	Exorcist">

    (J) Look, I'm done talking to you.

    (M) Well, when are you gonna decide what religion you are?

    (J) I don't know. I'm looking into Taoism. <I think he was joking.>

    (M) Um, okay....

    (J) Good day, sir.

    (M) Um, later buddy.

    <He walks off>

      Draw your own conclusions. This guy was supposed to be one of the 
    most respected,  wise, grooviest  representatives of the Messianics 
    of Philadelphia. They weren't  much different in New York. Just one 
    more example of People In Society who Suck.
    
   


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