        It is us!  Mindless Mayhem is released yet again!  And this time           
        with a daily dose of Vitamin K!



                         Starring Great One
                        
                                in:
                
                          Winter Wonderlands

               Mindless Mayhem issue number Twenty-Five!

===============================================================================

                Woe is me, I recently discovered that typing in alternating
        caps is common and accepted amongst the boards considered to be 
        cool in the nation.  I think soon I will stop calling out all
        together!  And then NO ONE AT ALL will get access to my board!
        Just ME.  It would be rather dull, as I can only reply to my
        own messages so many times, but at least I wouldn't have to read
        the really mutant people's messages...

                Recently, my pet Mega-Guppy popped out 30 kids.  Then,
        not more than a month later, 20 more, and then, not more than
        a month later, 15 more.  Mega-Guppy has no other guppies in with
        her, and I am starting to wonder just how she is getting herself
        knocked up.  The gold fish can't be doing it.  I'm not doing it,
        even if I tried the chromozones wouldn't be compatible, and I
        have taken all the babies out before they could breed or be eaten
        by the monster goldfish that resemble small cars in their size
        relation.  

                Like you all care.  Anyway, Here are a few ways to have fun
        during the winter.  Some of this stuff requires some prior chemical
        know-how, some goodies you may have to buy, or just guts.


        -----------
        Part One:  Fun  (the rest of the file is also a part one of one)

 A long time ago, I decided that small children were worthless and should
 be put to sleep.  Unfortunately when I ran for congress, that idea did not
 carry over well with the voters and I didn't get to make it a law.  However,
 here are some things you can do to at least have a fun time with them.

        1:  Go to Toys R Us.  They are always there.  Navigate your way
        to the area where they have the nintendos or whatever set up,
        (nintendos are what little kids play you know.  Nintendo even
        admitted that their games are aimed at the younger audience, even
        the games for the super nintendo) and make sure the friends that
        you brought are there with you.  You can:

      o  Push them out of the line to play it and make them cry.
        
      o  Drop stink bombs as we did and watch them all LEAVE (except for
        one little asian boy who HAD to play mario no matter what stench
        filled the area)

      o  Follow them.  They all know the Stranger Danger thing.  And if
        they watch Barney (I cringe at the name) all the better, because
        they know to run and scream for help and carry on like idiots.
        And, if you were smart, you'd say you are making your way for the
        register with the rocket engines you picked up if you are stopped.
        Of course, you weren't originally going to PAY for those engines, 
        were you?

      o  Tell them that you know how they can get a game for free.  Then
        make up some story that would sound logical to them.  They believe
        in santa, so chances are they'll believe you too since there's 
        something in it for them.


 
  For more fun about little kid toys, get the MM issue #5 about Bigwheel's
  O' Fun by Mr. Beeg.

     -----

  Find a large sewer.  There is one near my place of resisdence that looks
  like the entrance to the Eye of the Beholder dungeon, and is about as
  big, too.  Getting into it was  REAL bitch.  The area around it was all
  bumpy because it was frozen mud with sleet covering it, so in otherwords
  it was very smooth but bumpy ice, very similar to marbles on a concrete
  floor.  You can't walk on this without falling.  We had a great time just
  trying to get INTO the thing (remember, it wasn't a manhole it was an
  ENTRANCE!) because we had to climb down a small cement wall as well and
  then go onto a 45 degree mound of dirt with the same problems as before,
  only it headed into a small stream if you fell...

  If you are lucky, some of the water in the sewer will be frozen enough to
  slide on.  This may sound sort of stupid, but actually it's kind of fun.
  The only drawback with this sewer was the large amounts of rusting metal
  spikes sticking out of the walls.  This made sliding at great speeds
  perilous to say the least, so we didnt do that.  (On another note, the
  next summer we narrowly escaped the police when an old lady that lived in 
  the nursing home nearby phone the cops when she saw a bunch of people
  head into the sewer.  So we weren't careful about who saw us!  It's only
  a sewer, and there were no signs that said no tresspassing...)
  Lucky for the cop the pipe bomb we had put in there hadn't gone off.
  If it DID, I think we'd still be running.


  -------

  Fill those nitrous oxide cartridges with gunpowder (after you used the
  gas, stupid!)!  They make excellent crater makers.  And, in the snow, you
  can get it to fly in all directions.  Just be careful not to actually
  watch the snow go, or you may get hit by shrapnel.  The careful anarchist
  is the alive and well anarchist.  Live to be chaotic again another day!
  There's no glory in brain damage!

  Those are also very nice in pipe launchers.  I am currently attempting
  to figure out a way of how to make an effective "mortar" launcher.  
  It would involve blasting the cartridge out of the pipe, and in the 
  initial blast that would light the wick of the cartridge, which would
  eventually detonate somewhere in the sky (unless you aimed it at some
  window or something, where it would eventually detonate in the building)

  Take care that you aren't CAUGHT with something like that, as chances
  are you will be sited for having an illegal firearm, illegal use of a 
  firearm, no FOID, Ammo discharge, and all that crap.  At best, find a big
  field and practice.  Finding the right amount of powder to use isn't hard
  , it's the COMPRESSION that's difficult.  It's hard to compress it so that
  it pushes the cart out REALLY far and really fast.  The best I can get
  it to go is twenty feet.  Can anyone help me out here?
  You also would be wise to have a large supply of improvised gunpowder.
  Remember, our instructions for that DO indeed work!  I understand that
  finding the chemicals for it is difficult at best, but if you find it
  make sure you STOCK UP BIG TIME or you may regret it!
  
  You can make snow glow by getting a very large mound and putting thermite
  on it (and igniting it) .  It's not very creative, but glowing snow is not 
  something one sees every day.
    
  ---------------------
 Speaking of useless children, here is something I clipped out of the paper:

 Boys accused of making bomb:
 BARRINGTON, IL -- a 12-year old boy was arrested (yes!) after he reportedly
 placed a homemade bomb of aerosol cans and matches on the front porch of
 his home on Hillside Avenue Thursday, police said.  The bomb was diffused
 by an officer and did not injure anyone (the bomb or the officer?), reports
 indicated.  The boy was released into his mother's custody.

 What a shining example of youth!  Doing things out in the open to get 
 caught!  I have to wonder though, what exactly he was making.  I only
 know how to shoot flame from aerosol cans (and I don't do that because I
 don't want to die horribly when the flame gets sucked into the can), and 
 I don't see how he could make a bomb out of the multiple cans unless he
 sat there and heated them up while he waited to die from the soon-to-be
 resulting explosion.

 ---------------------

 Why do people suddenly become happy at Christmas time?  I wish everyone
 was mean like they usually are, as it is difficult to bear all sorts of
 smiling happy people.  Here is how you can help your community become
 more idealistic in their Not Liking Other People traits:

             o Find the latest kids toy in the store, and then proceed
             to place it somewhere else, you know, barbies with the 
             transformers, vice versa, etc.  

             o Remember those stink bombs?  Visit the public bathrooms.

             o After you do that, find out where the crowd is the thickest
             and put them there, too.

             o Go to a video selling store and then mix the Playboy videos
             up with the Disney showcase.  Do the same with heavy metal
             videos and classic music.  

             o Many malls have a food area.  Get in line and then read
             each menu, and then keep changing your mind when you go to 
             make an order.  Not only will this piss the cashier person
             off, the people behind you won't like it either.

             o Use stink bombs in the food area.  Nothing beats the smell
             of pizza and ammoniumdisulfide!

             o Offer 'Valet' parking even if you don't work for the valet
             service, and either take it or park it somewhere really
             far away.

             o Bring some friends and just STAND somewhere and let people
             try to squirm past.  This is usually effective on a staircase.

      
        Ok, so its all juvenile and such.  But the worst charge you can get
        is disorderly conduct (assuming you don't attempt to valet park),
        so it's no real big deal.  
   
   ---------------------

   For fun on your own or with friends, find a nice big ice covered or snow
   filled parking lot and go real fast and slam on the emergency brakes.
   Don't do this too often, as its not good for any part of the car!  Donuts
   work well here too (spinning around real fast), as the car can spin
   wildly out of control.  This is why you want a big parking lot that's 
   empty!  This is usually fun with a big car or a sports car.
   If police see you doing this, you won't like the consequences to your
   insurance rates.

   Pouring water over the gas cap is always a fun and educational thing to
   do to other cars.  In winter, it gets cold, and therefore water will
   freeze.  And the gas cap will effectively remain in place.  

   Flat tires and Ice do not mix well.  So flatten anyones' tires that 
   you see fit to do so.

   I think this was in a different text file, but small furry animals in
   dryer ducts always smell nice when they die!  If you can't do it, then
   maybe you can find a dead one to put in.

   Sometimes, people have fireplaces where the ashes are emptied out on the
   the outside of the fireplace.  Insert your favorite exploding device 
   under a pile of ashes.  No one cleans the fireplace after every fire, and
   no one pokes through the ashes either.  Try to use something relatively
   harmless, as you don't want to KILL the people, right?  You would probably
   be best off getting lots of smoke grenades (smoke in the house is fun!)
   or jumping jacks, as they will bounce all around the fireplace and they 
   won't know what it is.

   Buckets of water poured onto the front porch or around the tires of
   any car can result in hours of viewing enjoyment!

   No one likes to get hit with snowballs, and no one likes to get hit by
   ones that have a thin layer of snow surrounding a pound of ice.

   That water is really useful when it comes to mailboxes, too (assuming
   you haven't blown them up or batted them yet).

   Ice and nails don't mix with car tires, and such is an effective way
   to make that flat we mentioned earlier.

   Put a small furry animal on a patch of ice and watch it run in place!
   I guess you can get a hamster wheel for that too, but hey its winter.

   The moment the light turns green, make like an italian and press the 
   horn down as hard as you can to get the people in front of you moving.
   Fast acceleration and poor road conditions are fun!  Just dont accelerate
   right after they do!

   ---------------

   Matt isn't going to jail!  I've you've read the past few issues, you'll
   know that he's not a well liked person (he's weird!).  He pled mental
   instability and that he's thought of suicide and instead of going to the
   slammer he gets to see a court appointed therapist!  I can think
   of many swears to use as adjectives for this guy, so I will let you
   think of some, too.
   
   ---------------

   How many people actually read this crap I put out, anyway?  No one has
   sent me mail for a long time (to the post office box!).  So someone
   send me that christmas music tape so I can go insane and get a big gun
   and shoot people repeatedly.  Or something like that.  Send anything!
   Info on electronic stuff!  Info on what you'd like to read!  Info
   on other text groups and boards!  Info on your board so we can compile
   a list of text boards!  Note:  Only send it IF you want to be on a list!
   I for example would probably die if my board ended up on a BBS list,
   and I have died several times to prove it.  Unauthorized advertising
   is a big No No!

   I want a new intro for the beginning.  That circle with the A is sort
   of stupid.  So, I have decided that THIS picture is far more cool,
   but I cannot take credit for it, I don't know who drew it!


                             ммлллллллллллмм
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                   ллллп       ллллп  плллл        пллм
                  олллн      мллллп    пллллм       лллм
                  лллл       ллллп      плллл        ллл   л
                 оллл      мллллп        плллл       оллнмлп
               ммммммммммммллллммммммммммммммммммммммммммлп
              лпппмммппппмллллппппппппппппппммммппппппмммп
            млп   ллл    ллллп              плллл     ллл
            пп     ллл мллллп                пллллм  ллл
                    лллллллп                  плллл лллл
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                         пллллммм         ммлллллпллллм
                             пппллллллллллллпп    плллл
                                                   пппп

                       A N A R C H Y  F O R E V E R




   Well that was nice.  I don't plan to use it, but it was neat anyway.

   Oh!  And for you SysOps that wanted a special message to give to those
   leeching zitheads on your board, you can give them a display of either
   of the extra included files in this zip.  They are simple, but display
   a basic message that shows that you really care!

   ---------------

   I haven't much more to say, but I'll follow tradition for once and say
   that drinking and driving isn't cool, but either of the two are if not
   mixed!  

   ---------------

     Call Destiny Knights BBS at 708 307 3768 and say that you got it
     from an MM file.  Make sure you state which one!  I want to know whats
     being read out there.  There is no new user password.  Chances are
     you will be deleted, so apply anyway so I can enjoy deleting yet 
     another person in my quest for mercilessness.  
     All I can tell you is to keep up on your homework and don't type in
     alternating caps.

     You can also call the 3 Guys BBS, at 907 428 2530 and also say
     you got it from here!  They are an offical MM circulation board.
     Not too many boards can say that on their opening screen!  And and
     chances are, he doesn't have it on his.  In fact, I don't even
     have it on mine!

  ----------------

     Mindless Mayhem is published whenever by Crash Korrigan.  Assistant
     writers are Hap Hazard and Ming the Merciless.

     Ok so I lied.  They don't have anything to do with this.    
     
     Feel free to write Melvin Woznikki (yes that's the name to use)
     at PO Box 958542 Hoffman Estates, IL 60195-8542 to relay
     your comments.  And no, that's not my real name.  My real name
     is Jack Enoff, and you can see why I don't tell anyone what it is!

     Ok so I lied about my real name, too.

  ----------------

  We are always looking for something to write about.  Usually this is
  a rather sporadic thing, and we don't like being spores.  So help us out!
  Any information on anything related to this sorta stuff (sorry we haven't
  done much on hacking, but hey, I'm not going to do it in my house!)
  including pyros, anarchy, hacking, cracking, virii, whatever.

  -----EOF--------

  See you on the other side!

